


I'm not afraid to go if it's with you (we'll find somewhere to hide)

by adamantine



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arranged Marriage, M/M, Royalty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-03-14
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:12:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5696308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamantine/pseuds/adamantine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The kingdoms of Sano and Iwatobi have been sworn enemies for as long as anyone can remember. But when the King of Sano dies in another pointless war between the two countries, the Queen decides enough is enough. A treaty is signed between Sano and Iwatobi in hopes of cementing peace for centuries to come. At the cornerstone of the treaty is the promised marriage between the Prince of Iwatobi, Nanase Haruka, and the Princess of Sano, Matsuoka Gou.</p><p>The Prince of Sano, Matsuoka Rin, has known since childhood his sister would one day marry Prince Haruka. There was nothing wrong with wanting to get along with the man engaged to his sister — to learn more about him, to befriend him... to long for him...?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. innocence

**Author's Note:**

> Other characters may appear, rating may go up, etc. I have a plan for this but we'll see what I end up including (I've already cut out like 2,000 words of politics — you're welcome).
> 
> Also, spoilers (?) but I didn't tag this with Haru/Gou because they're not going to have feelings for each other and I didn't want to mislead people.

It seemed like everyone in the world had turned out for the wedding. No one wanted to miss seeing the kingdoms of Iwatobi and Sano unite after centuries of conflict. When the King of Sano had died in battle some sixteen years before, his wife had struck a truce with the Queen of Iwatobi. Part of the peace treaty that followed was an agreement that their children would marry, forever tying the two royal lines.

Rin tugged at his formal clothes, frustration gnawing at him. His stupid sash wouldn’t line up correctly. It kept getting caught on his epaulet. He wanted to scream. His nerves were getting to him.

Today was the wedding, the wedding he had spent almost his entire life dreading. His sister was in the other room, no doubt already dressed and ready for the ceremony. A part of him ached, knowing after today they would no longer live in the same country. After their father’s death, their mother took his place. She didn’t have much time to spend with them after that. Neither of them resented her for her absence, but it left them feeling like they only had each other. Living apart would be strange.

He gave himself one last look in the mirror; his sash was perfectly in place. It was going to be fine. He’d known this day was coming since he was five years old after all. He was prepared.

He clenched his fists. Who was he kidding? He was supposed to be celebrating his sister’s wedding today, but instead he’d gone and fallen in love with her fiancé. It wasn’t exactly a scenario he had planned for; it had just happened.

He thought back to the events leading up to this day, wondering at what moment Prince Haruka had taken complete control of his heart.

 

* * *

 

 

**15 YEARS EARLIER**

 

“Brother! They’re here!”

Gou had to stand on the tip of her toes to see out the window. At five years old, everything in the palace was too big for her.

“Where?” asked Rin.

“The carriage! That has to be the queen! She’s so pretty!”

Rin searched the crowd below for a carriage befitting royalty. His eyes skipped over a modest carriage several times before he realized it was the only one in the vicinity and must have been what Gou was talking about.

He thought the country of Iwatobi was rich. At least, that’s what all the adults around him said when they weren’t paying attention to him. They spoke enviously of Iwatobi’s wealth and complained about the backwardness of Sano. It angered him. Seeing that plain carriage gave him a twist of triumph — these adults knew nothing about Iwatobi. It was clearly a desolate country if that was the kind of transportation royalty was forced to use.

His sense of superiority lasted all of two seconds — the time it took for him to notice the woman next to it. She was covered in sparkling jewels and shining gold — quite literally. When she moved into the sun she became a human beacon. He wasn’t very good at guessing the ages of adults, but he could at least tell she was older than his mother.

A man in matching jewels came up to chat with her. The king, Rin guessed. His chest hurt.

“That must be the prince!” Gou exclaimed.

“The prince is my age. That’s the king, stupid.”

Gou kicked him.

“Not him. The boy!”

“Huh?”

Distracted by the king and queen, he hadn’t noticed the prince skulking out of the carriage. Like his parents, he was dressed extravagantly, but in a way that overwhelmed his small frame. His movements were awkward, like he wasn’t used to wearing layers of fabric and jewelry.

The queen said something that made him scowl. Rin wasn’t impressed. Was Gou really going to marry this kid? He looked so gloomy.

“I’m not getting married for years and years. Not until I’m at least grandma’s age. So you don’t have to worry, big brother.”

His cheeks colored. He had a bad habit of saying things out loud.

“Is that so? I’m glad.”

Gou beamed at him. He looked away, not wanting her to know it wouldn’t be that easy. Peace depended on her marriage.

☆

That evening, the young prince introduced himself as Prince Nanase Haruka before bowing stiffly in front of Queen Matsuoka. She politely acknowledged him, nothing more. Rin and Gou gave their own introductions to King and Queen Nanase. Gou bowed before remembering she was actually supposed to curtsy, receiving a chuckle from Queen Nanase.

The three children were shoved together in their own separate table for dinner. It irked Rin as he usually got to eat with his mother in formal settings, but there was no room at the high table today. It was crammed full of adults — Rin’s mother, grandmother, King and Queen Nanase, various ambassadors, and some of the more prominent nobles like Sousuke’s father filled every seat. Sousuke himself was sitting out of Rin’s sight with his aunt and uncle and their horrible children. Sousuke’s cousins made Rin glad his father had been an only child and that his mother’s brother was a self-proclaimed eternal bachelor.

Servants brought out food and Rin’s mouth fell open in shock. It was a proper feast, like on his birthday. Today wasn’t even the actual celebration of the treaty’s anniversary. Did that mean for the next week he’d get nothing but the best food Sano had to offer? The Iwatobi royal family was free to visit any time in his opinion if it meant his mother was going to throw lavish banquets in their honor every meal.

He ate with gusto, forgetting how strange it was for Gou to sit quietly during a meal. It wasn’t until he was almost done eating that the silence caught his attention.

Gou was hunched over her plate, eating slowly like all the energy had been sucked out of her. Next to her, Haruka hadn’t touched any of his meat, and instead picked at his vegetables.

“Is there something wrong with your meat? Are you allergic?” Rin asked.

Haruka ignored him.

“Hey, I’m talking to you. Prince Haruka — Nanase, whatever.”

Haruka looked up from his plate to stare at Rin.

“What?”

“I asked if there’s something wrong with your meat.”

“No. There’s not.” He went back to picking at his food, pushing a few peas around sullenly.

An intense loathing washed over Rin; he saw red. Haruka was ungrateful and rude, the atmosphere around him hostile. It was why, Rin realized, Gou was uncharacteristically quiet. She had been so excited to meet Haruka, would it kill him to treat her with kindness? To pay attention to her, to reassure her? She was just a child! Rin didn’t care that Haruka wasn’t even two years older than her. To him, Haruka was an adult in comparison. He should know better.

He hated Haruka, hated him. He had everything — a mother, father, a wealthy kingdom. And as if that wasn’t enough, he was taking Gou for himself too. If he was going to rip Rin’s family apart, he should at least have the decency to be nice about it, to smile or look appreciative of his good fortune. Not petulantly prod peas like it was beneath him to show consideration for Gou and Rin.

Rin wanted to scream and cry, but he knew he couldn’t. He needed to behave properly at all times, he couldn’t let his mother down. He needed to be a good prince, the best prince. He couldn’t be a brat like Haruka. Haruka might be an old man by the time he became king. It wasn’t going to be like that for Rin. The moment he turned twenty, his mother would step down as queen regent and he would become king.

And then… and then he would die. Not right away, but soon, maybe before Haruka even became king. The men of the Matsuoka family line were cursed. None of them remained on the throne for more than a few years. It was one of the worst cruelties of his father’s death. No one had been truly surprised, in fact, it seemed to Rin like they had all been waiting for it, shocked he had somehow made it to twenty-eight. It wasn’t right the way they had all seemed prepared for it. Their reactions hurt something in Rin, made him feel like being royalty meant he was a different species, because surely if he was human people wouldn’t speak to him like his father was just an object they had expected to wear out sooner.

He had foolishly thought Prince Haruka would understand this, that they would meet and Rin would recognize that same hurt in him. But Haruka knew nothing of how he felt. He was just some spoiled brat.

☆

The rest of week went by in agonizing slowness. Haruka had no companions outside of his parents and since they spent most of their time with Queen Matsuoka, he was left in the company of Rin and Gou. Gou overcame her initial quietness around Haruka and bombarded him with questions. He rarely answered with more than a few words; most of the time he just shrugged. It irritated Rin to the core. He found himself trying to provoke a stronger reaction from Haruka. He showed him around the palace, hoping to impress him. When that didn’t work, he tried his best to annoy him, hoping he could cause an outburst from Haruka that way. But the most Haruka did was scowl or click his tongue.

On Haruka’s last full day in Iwatobi, Rin dragged them to the field near the stables. He didn’t know what else to do. Gou entertained herself trying to make flower crowns. She wasn’t particularly skilled at it, but with the help of Haruka and Rin she was able to make enough flower crowns for them and their bodyguards. It was when she was placing a flower crown on one of their bodyguards (a giant man more than twice her size) that Rin saw Haruka smile for the first time. His heart sped up at the unexpected sight.

“What do you want to do?” Rin blurted out.

“What?” Haruka stared at him, confusion on his face.

“Since it’s your last day, I was wondering if there’s anything you want to do? Or see?”

“Me? I… I wanted to see Lake Sano. But my mother said it was too far away.” Waves of dejection rolled off of Haruka as he ripped out grass.

“It’s not that far, but… it’s probably too late to see it today,” Rin admitted.

“Oh.”

“The lake is part of Sousuke’s—uh, my friend’s estate. His manor is there and sometimes Gou and I visit him. Well, actually, he’s usually at the palace because his father is an important court official so it’s more like all three of us go sometimes.”

“I see.”

Before Rin could reply, Gou plopped down next to them, finished with prettying up all her bodyguards.

“Whatcha guys talking about?” she asked.

“Haruka wanted to see Lake Sano.”

“Okay! Let’s go! We can spend the night at Sousuke’s place.”

“Haruka’s going home tomorrow, remember?”

“Oh. Right. Why did you want to see the lake, Haruka?” She watched him curiously.

“I… I like water.”

She scrunched her face up in thought. “You want to see something with water then? Hmm… water… water… have you been to the baths?”

“Gou! Of course he’s been to the baths!” He couldn’t believe she had just implied the Prince of Iwatobi hadn’t taken a bath the entire time he’d been in Sano. Even beggars had access to the public baths in Sano.

“Well, how would I know? I use the girl’s baths.”

“He’s clean isn’t he?”

“So? Maybe he just scrubbed himself off with some water.”

“You think they let him wear those fancy clothes after just some quick scrub?”

“Why not?”

“Yes,” Haruka interrupted, “I’ve been to the baths. They’re amazing.”

Seeing the honest joy on his face gave Rin an idea of where to take him.

“Gou, Crystal Falls—“

“Yes!” She clapped her hands together. “That’s perfect!”

☆ 

Crystal Falls was a small waterfall near the palace, less than a thirty minute walk away. It was a favorite spot of the late King Toraichi. He taught Rin how to swim in the water there, and would have taught Gou eventually if he had lived.

They could hear the waterfall before seeing it. When it finally came into sight, Haruka stopped walking and stood there with his mouth open. His obvious amazement made Rin’s stomach churn in victory.

“Heh. Never seen a waterfall have you?” he guessed.

Haruka shook his head.

“So, what do you think?”

“It’s incredible.” His eyes sparkled.

Rin found himself grinning. He felt like jumping up and down, but he didn’t really understand why.

“You can’t swim, it’s too cold,” said Gou.

“Swim? In that?” Haruka frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“What do you mean?” asked Rin. “Where do you swim?”

“I don’t. I don’t know how to swim. But some people swim in the ocean. They do it for work, to collect clams and stuff.”

“You’ve never tried swimming in the ocean?” Rin had never seen the ocean, but he knew about it secondhand. It was bigger than any lake. He thought perhaps the small pool of water in front of them was unsatisfying to swim in in comparison to something so vast and beautiful. It never occurred to him Haruka didn’t swim at all. Why did he like water then?

“It’s dangerous.”

“Well, this little pond isn’t.”

“I can’t swim either,” Gou chimed in. “Papa was supposed to teach me but now he can’t.”

“Why doesn’t Rin teach you?”

Rin’s eyes went wide at the sound of his first name. It was the first time Haruka had used it, instead preferring to say “your brother,” “Prince Matsuoka,” or “you” when referring to Rin.

“He says it’s dangerous and I’ll drown.”

“But he just said it was safe.”

They glanced at Rin with matching looks of innocent curiosity.

“Uh,” he faltered. He was still reeling from Haruka saying his name. “It’s different for us.”

“Why? Because you’re boys?” Gou narrowed her eyes at him.

“No! Because you’re five and we’re six.”

“But you were four when Papa taught you!” She stomped her foot.

“Ugh. Fine, I’ll teach you this summer but only if Mom says it’s okay.”

“Yay!” She struck a victory pose.

Haruka let out a small snicker.

“What?” snapped Rin.

“Nothing.” He struggled to keep a straight face. “You’re completely under her thumb, huh.”

“I am not!”

“Sure, sure.” He gave Rin a look of mock pity.

They spent the rest of the afternoon messing around at the waterfall. The restrained, passive Haruka was completely gone. He bickered with Rin, teased him, even splashed water in his face at one point — and Rin soared with happiness. Haruka had let down his barriers, and Rin rushed to meet him. He rambled at him at great length about himself, his family, his friends. Gou chimed in occasionally, often adding something embarrassing he had tried to leave out.

They collected pebbles before leaving as mementos of the day. Haruka took the task seriously and searched for the perfect pebble to take home. Rin snatched it from him and gave him his own in return.

“I’ll give it back the next time we meet. Deal?” They pinky promised on it.

They raced each other back to the palace, running until they were wheezing in exhaustion, Gou shrieking at them for leaving her behind. It made Rin laugh. Everything that had been weighing on him since his father had died faded to the background. He was just a child having fun. Not a prince with responsibilities, not an older brother who wanted to protect his sister, not a son that wanted to make his mother proud. He was just himself, Matsuoka Rin. It was freeing. He didn’t want the day to ever end.

☆

The next morning the two families met at the palace gates to say their goodbyes. Haruka wore light traveling clothes. His parent’s garments were finer, but their only jewelry were the simple circlets decorum required them to wear. They looked ready to return home. Rin felt a heavy sadness at the sight. He didn’t know when he would see Haruka again. Probably not for a long time, maybe not even until the wedding. The thought unnerved him. He had somehow pushed Haruka and Gou’s engagement to the back of his mind.

“Bye-bye, Haruka!” Gou said cheerfully. She waved at him before going to Queen Matsuoka’s side, where she was conversing with Queen Nanase about something, leaving Haruka and Rin by themselves.

Rin didn’t want to say goodbye. It wasn’t fair that Haruka was leaving just when they had started getting along.

“I had a lot of fun yesterday. I’m sorry about the rest of the week, I kept bugging you.” Rin stared at the ground when he was done talking.

“No, I’m the one who should be saying sorry. I… I didn’t want to be here and it showed.” Rin looked up and met Haruka’s firm gaze. “That wasn’t very nice of me. I’m sorry.”

“We’re both to blame then,” said Rin. “We’ll do things differently next time. You should learn how to swim, that way we can have even more fun. How about it, Haruka?”

“Haru. You can call me Haru. And I will.”

Rin broke out into a huge grin.

“I’ll hold you to that. Goodbye, Haru.”

“Goodbye, Rin.”

They parted ways. Haruka into the carriage and Rin to his mother’s side with Gou. They waited until the carriage was out of sight before going back to their normal lives.

Time passed. Rin’s days were dominated by study. Politics, history, economy — all the tools needed to run a country were drilled into his brain by merciless tutors. He learned how to fight, not in anticipation for war but to defend himself, just in case his bodyguards weren’t there to protect him. He sat through tedious lessons in etiquette, lest he embarrass his entire kingdom by not using the right fork. He grew taller, stronger. His voice deepened. People flocked to him, wanting to befriend the future King of Sano.

Gou studied as hard as Rin, not wanting to be left behind. She picked up falconry. The sight of her training her birds became a common one. Her childish innocence was replaced by a sharp intelligence. She drew admirers that didn’t care where she was going to be queen of in the future; they just wanted to be noticed by her.

That week with Haruka became a distant memory. He was relegated to a specter of the future. They didn’t discuss him; it was enough to live in the present.

It was ten years before they met Haruka again.


	2. goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates after this should take a while longer. I had about half of this chapter already written and rushed to finish the rest because I wanted to give people a better idea of what it will be like (since they're only children for a small part of the fic). 
> 
> I'm hoping for somewhat weekly updates, wrap the whole thing up by March... wish me luck! It might end up the largest writing project I've ever done which is super weird. Still easier than writing a giant paper comparing and contrasting Chantal Mouffe and Carl Schmitt though.

Rin scarfed down his lunch with impressive speed. His plate was almost clean by the time Sousuke joined him.

“Hot date you need to get to?”

“Shut up, Sousuke,” he said between bites.

He planned on using his lunch break to finish reading a treatise on tariffs his economics tutor had mentioned. If he was going to be king someday he needed to be familiar with the works his advisors referenced — is what he told himself. It had nothing to do with a certain pompous, twenty-something-year-old “scholar” (who had zero experience in creating tariffs, so what did he really know?) having made him feel stupid with endless references to a treatise no one cared about. Rin studied for noble, gallant reasons like a love of learning and a desire to be a good king — not because of petty grudges.

“Don’t tell me you plan on ditching me for some dusty old book again.”

Rin shrugged, his mouth full.

“It better not be mathematics related. It’s insulting to be ditched for mathematics.”

“Economics this time.”

“That’s almost as bad.” That was rich coming from Sousuke when his father was in charge of maintaining the royal treasury and was hoping Sousuke would one day follow in his footsteps, together planning out taxes and making sure the royal family didn’t overspend their coffers as a father-son duo.

Before Rin could reply, Gou came barreling into the dining hall while shouting “Brother!” — her ponytail whipping behind her as she ran to Sousuke and Rin’s table. A few of the nobility in the room looked scandalized by her behavior. The rest were used to it. The prince and princess had been running around the palace since they were children.

“What is it, Gou? I’m about to leave.”

“Already? I haven’t even started eating yet.”

“It’s not my fault you’re late for lunch.”

“You’re too early,” she whined.

Rin began to stand.

“Wait! I’m not here to argue. I saw a messenger from Iwatobi arrive while I was in a lesson—“

“—Shouldn’t you be paying attention to your lessons instead of looking out of the window?” he interrupted.

“Hah! It was an embroidery lesson.” Gou’s embroidery tutor, Lady Momiji, was their grandmother’s age. She enjoyed the finer things in life like starting off the day with a glass of wine and then napping — which meant Gou was free to do whatever she pleased during her lessons as long as it _looked_ like she was making progress. “Anyway, weren’t you listening? Prince Haruka’s sent us a message.”

“You don’t know that. It was probably just the Queen of Iwatobi sending something to Mom as usual.” The two queens were in regular correspondence with each other, though Rin had no idea what they talked about.

“You underestimate me. I charmed Lady Momiji into letting me out early,“ — Rin snorted — “and tracked down Mom. That’s how I know it’s a message from Haruka. He wants me to visit Iwatobi over the summer. It’s his seventeenth birthday which is apparently a big deal over there. He’ll pick me up personally. He asked to have ‘a small respite’ here at the palace before we head back to Iwatobi, so you’ll get to see him too. Isn’t that great?”

Rin felt the ground disappear from under him.

“You’re spending the whole summer in Iwatobi?” asked Sousuke.

“Not the whole summer, just Haruka’s birthday. I guess. I don’t really know. Does it matter? It will be exciting. I’ve never left Sano before.”

“But… you’ll live there one day,” said Rin. He couldn’t understand why she was taking this news so easily. Neither of them had anticipated being separated this early on. Gou was only fifteen. It seemed a given she wouldn’t leave Sano until he was crowned king. ”Why do you have to go there already?”

In an instant her enthusiasm was replaced by anger.

“You don’t know that,” she snapped.

Catching herself, she closed her eyes. She spent a moment calming down, unclenching her fists and taking deep breaths before continuing.

“Sorry. I… This is for the best. It would have been awful seeing the country for the first time on my wedding day.”

“Gou…” Shame flooded him. Gou wasn’t a child anymore, she knew damn well she couldn’t loophole her way out of the treaty by postponing her wedding until she was eighty. She spoke lightly about Haruka and Iwatobi not because she was being flippant but because she was trying to make the best of her situation. If the future weighed heavy on Rin’s heart, it certainly was no different for her. After all, she was the one leaving behind everyone she knew and loved.

“Well, I look forward to finally meeting Prince Haruka,” said Sousuke, breaking the heavy atmosphere. “All I remember about the kid was him scowling all the time. What a brat.”

“Sousuke!” Gou and Rin chided in unison.

“What? Rin said the same back then.”

“And then I told you he wasn’t that bad after all.”

“Must of forgotten that part of the conversation.”

Rin rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“Who knows what he’s like now anyway. Look at you for one. You used to be a sweet kid and now you ditch your loyal, honorable, charming, handsome, et cetera, best friend to go read about trade disputes.”

“Who? You? Thanks for the reminder though. I’ve got some tariffs to finish reading about. See you two at dinner.”

He took off, thankful for the distraction of his studies to keep him from dwelling on Gou’s news.

☆

“It’s going to be fine, Haru.” Makoto gave him a reassuring smile. “You don’t have feel nervous.”

Prince Haruka glared at his oldest friend, son of the Grand Steward of Iwatobi, from across the carriage. It had taken them almost two weeks to make the journey upriver to Sano and while Haruka was happy to gaze at the water all day he was getting sick and tired of traveling. It had been a relief to finally dock in Sano’s capital and say goodbye to the crew for the next week or so. His mother had only let him travel to Sano on the condition he’d be back with plenty of time to spare for his birthday celebrations. Getting here took longer than he had anticipated, though the ship’s captain assured him the journey downriver was usually much quicker.

“Who said I was nervous?”

Makoto was unfazed by his friend’s sharp tone. Before landing, Haruka had paced up and down the ship’s deck, worrying the entire crew as he had spent the rest of the journey in quiet contemplation. The boat hadn’t even been properly moored when Haruka had made as if to leap off of it, giving everyone on board a moment of panic at the possibility of having to explain why the Prince of Iwatobi had fallen into the river or worse, why he had broken his neck on the dock.

It didn’t exactly take a master of human behavior to realize Haruka was a little jumpy. Makoto decided to drop the subject.

“So, is it as you remembered? Sano that is.”

Haruka contemplated the question. “No, not exactly. There weren’t many ships around, the river was almost empty. And the people were more… subdued.”

“It seems they’re benefiting from the treaty then.”

“I suppose.”

They fell silent, watching the scenery pass from their open carriage. Haruka had insisted on traveling ahead of their suitcases, leaving behind the rest of their traveling group which mainly consisted of Haruka’s bodyguards. Not that there was much point to them as Haruka was a slippery charge, regularly disappearing from their sight and sneaking around Iwatobi’s capital city unnoticed. It was easy for him to blend into a crowd, barring the times his parents forced him to dress formally his clothes were of the same stock as Iwatobi’s commoners. Haruka did not like the restrictions placed on him as royalty which a caused a lot people, Makoto included, endless amounts of grief.

The palace was a little a ways from where they had docked, sitting on a hill at the outskirts of the city. They passed by countless shops and homes. Most of them were brightly colored oranges, reds, and yellows with matching bright roofs. It gave the city a warm, friendly feeling. The people they passed by only added to that. There was a noticeable penchant for red in their clothing (though brown came in close second). While they did not stop to talk to anyone, they were occasionally waved at which threw Makoto off the first time it happened; he assumed they did had somehow been recognized.

“That woman, do you know her?”

“Huh? Oh, the one that waved? They do that here; it’s weird.” Iwatobi’s capital was a major trading hub. People didn’t smile at strangers in the street there — not unless they were trying to sell them something. Everyone was always busy, moving with a purpose.

Sano’s palace was a sunny yellow color with a bright red roof. It fit right in with the rest of the city — it’s only difference was the sheer size of the building. They rolled past the palace gates without fanfare as no one had been sure of the exact date they would make it to Sano. Their arrival sent the palace staff into a flurry of activity; whatever hope Makoto had to immediately lie down and take a nap evaporated. He kicked himself for not thinking to send a messenger ahead of their carriage. Haruka’s strange behavior had distracted him.

“I’m hungry,” Haruka grumbled.

“If your royal highness wishes to eat immediately lunch is available in the dining hall. There is also the option of having food brought to your chambers once they are finished being prepared,” said the man left to watch over them. His eyes had twitched while describing the second option.

“I’d rather eat now. Let’s go, Makoto.” He took off immediately, leaving behind the scene of chaos he had created without a second glance. From the corner of his eyes, Makoto saw their carriage driver (who in reality was one of Haruka’s bodyguards) break out into a panic, shoving his reigns into the hands of an unlucky servant boy before running after Haruka.

“Uh, seems like he knows where he’s going. I should go… to there. Yeah.” Makoto gave their welcome party an apologetic look before scrambling to catch up with Haruka.

☆

The dining hall was lacking the grandiose formality of his memories. The high table was empty; likely it wasn’t used unless the queen was present. The other tables had been arranged in neat, orderly rows; now they were grouped haphazardly in no discernible pattern. There were no servants bringing out lavish meals but instead a small selection of food was laid out on a table at the edge of the hall. Here a group of lords and ladies stood in line, waiting for a chance to fill up their plates. Haruka joined them, Makoto following awkwardly behind his heels. A few people glanced over at them, taking in the sight of Haruka’s poor dress and Makoto’s comparative finery before giving them a strange look.

“Servants eat separately in the adjacent hall,” said a black haired woman in front of them.

“I’m not his servant, I’m his friend. I just watch over him a bit,” replied Makoto. He was used to people making this mistake. It was partially his fault for being overly helpful (he couldn’t help it, it was in his nature) but the bulk of the blame lay on Haruka’s demanding and forceful personality. He could make anyone look like his personal attendant.

“Not you, him,” she sneered.

“I’m not a servant.” Haruka was unfazed by her contempt.

“Right.” She gave him one last dirty look before turning her back on them.

Behind Haruka, Makoto rubbed at his eyebrows, debating if it was in his place to announce their identities before someone tried to accost them from the hall. Before they had left, Queen Nanase had jokingly told him to keep her son from causing any international incidents. He hadn’t expected to be on the verge of one on their first hour of arrival. The second hour? That seemed fair game. His stomach rumbled. Eat first, deal with Haruka’s vagrant look backfiring later.

When it was their turn to grab food, Makoto filled a small bowl with rice, following the actions of those before them. Predictably, Haruka either didn’t care or didn’t pick up on this unwritten rule of etiquette and went straight for the fish. Makoto was contemplating chiding him when a redheaded teen pulled the same stunt but with meat.

Their plates fully loaded, they looked for a spot to sit. There were small groups of people scattered throughout the hall but of course they recognized no one. Haruka picked a table at the end of the hall, near where he had sat as a child. The only other person sitting at it was a teenage boy who gave them one quick look before going back to his meal, clearly finding them uninteresting.

They ate in silence. It was a nice and quiet atmosphere, one he had been missing. The boat crew, while nice, were always chatting, gossiping about this and that person, telling him endless stories about their previous travels. It was exhausting after a while.

“Yo.”

“Hey. You’re late today.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw a figure sit down at the other end of the table, across from the dark haired teen who had been there before them.

“Got in an argument about the nature of reality,” said the noisy intruder.

“Of course.”

“Wish I could say it was with Lord Ishijima but it was actually with my new geography tutor.”

“How the hell did that happen? No, I don’t want to know.”

“Beats me. One minute we’re talking about trade routes and then the next we’re shouting about metaphysics.”

The pair of them continued chatting, but Haruka tuned them out, trying to recapture the peace and quiet from before. Just his luck, he ended up sitting next to the gabbiest pair in the hall. Though it was mainly the newcomer’s voice that continued to drone on and on. Irritated, Haruka snuck a glance at the ruiner of his quiet. Dark red hair, around his age, fit. Showy clothes, self-assured manner. Annoying.

As if sensing Haruka’s scrutiny he turned his head to the side, his eyes meeting Haruka’s. Haruka knew it was rude to stare, that he should apologize or at least look away, but it was like being caught in a rip current; if you swam against it you only tired yourself out.

He was openly gawking now, he knew it, but there was something familiar and alien about the face in front of him. Everything around him faded to the background. He dimly registered Makoto calling his name, was somewhat conscious of the dark haired boy asking him what his problem was, but it was like hearing voices underwater.

_Rin._

Oh. It was Rin.

The face in front of him belonged to the boy from his memories, grown up, harsher but more beautiful.

“Rin,” he heard himself say.

The face looked puzzled; Haruka watched his brow move, mesmerized, wondering what other expressions Rin could make.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” he asked.

“Haruka? Is that you? Mother said you’d arrived!” A loud voice broke the spell between them.

A girl with matching red hair came between them, smiling. She looked enough like Rin for Haruka to register who she was immediately. He stood up.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you again, Princess Gou.” He gave her a slight bow, more deference than he showed anybody these days.

“Same to you, Prince Haruka.” She gave him a small curtsy. “Though no need to be formal, it’s weird. I see you’ve already reunited with my temperamental brother.”

“Uh,” Rin stammered.

“Yes,” said Haruka.

“Good! How was the journey over—“

“Excuse me, I haven’t been introduced yet,” a voice interrupted. It was Rin’s companion. Haruka had forgotten about him completely.

“Oh. Well, Sousuke this is Prince Haruka. Haruka, this is Yamazaki Sousuke, a longtime friend of ours.”

“Yo.”

Haruka waited for him to continue. The ensuing silence was interrupted by Makoto coughing beside him.

“Do you need some water?” Haruka asked him.

“No. No, I was…” He made a motion towards the table like he was having a fit. At Haruka’s blank look he sighed.

“And who’s your companion?” Gou asked. Makoto silently thanked her.

“This is my friend Makoto.”

“Tachibana Makoto. It’s nice to finally meet you, Princess Gou. And to you too, Prince Rin. Haru… Prince Haruka taught himself how to swim not long after his first visit to Sano.”

Haruka scowled. “That’s enough, Makoto.”

Makoto gave him a sheepish smile.

“Let me go grab something to eat and then I’ll join you guys.” Once again, Gou was the saving grace to their awkward silence.

“I'll go with you.” Sousuke stood up.

“You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine, I want a little more to eat anyway.”

They left, leaving Haruka, Makoto and Rin alone. Rin hadn’t spoken in a while. He seemed overwhelmed and nervous. Haruka moved closer to him. He had long eyelashes, the lower ones included.

Rin let out a squeak when he noticed Haruka.

“Do you have to sit so close to me?” He sounded more nervous than angry.

“Rin.” Haruka tested the name out on his tongue, liking how it sounded.

“What?”

“Rin.” He drew out the sound this time, watching as Rin’s face turned into one of confusion.

“…What?”

“Rin.”

“What.” He was angry now.

“Nothing. I just like saying your name.” And he liked watching Rin’s reactions to it.

“You’ve turned into a real weirdo you know.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Really? Haruka. Haruka. Ha~ru~ka~.”

Haruka made a face.

“See how it feels?”

“I told you to call me Haru,” he said softly.

Rin’s eyes widened for a moment. It was so quick Haruka wouldn’t have noticed had he not been still staring at Rin.

“Fine. Haru. Haru. Haru…” Haruka leaned in closer and saw Rin bite his lip.

“Princess Gou, Sousuke! Welcome back!” Makoto was practically shouting. Haruka turned around and saw why — Gou and Sousuke were a good while away from reaching the table. They looked slightly confused as to why Makoto was greeting them when they weren’t even there yet.

“You should sit here, next to Haruka,” Makoto maneuvered Gou to sit in the space between Haruka and Rin. “Great, glad that’s settled. This is my first time in Sano, any recommendations for places to visit?” And like that Makoto kept the entire table busy.

Haruka didn’t have a chance to talk to Rin again. Both of them fell silent. Haruka because the conversation didn’t particularly interest him and Rin for reasons unknown.

☆

Three days into their visit and Makoto wasn’t sure how much more he could take. It wasn’t because of their guests or the country — Sano was beautiful, and once he got over the strangeness of everyone being nice to him he found he enjoyed it, maybe even preferred it to the colder, business-like attitudes prevalent in Iwatobi. And their hosts were lovely, especially Gou who was charming and adept at sensing the mood. What was causing Makoto undue amounts of stress was trying to steer Haruka towards Gou and away from Rin. Makoto didn’t exactly understand what he had witnessed between Haruka and Rin during their reunion, but years of experience told him he needed to keep them away from each other. There was something not quite right about the way Haruka had focused in on him — it sent warning bells off in Makoto’s head.

Unfortunately, getting Haruka interested in Gou was proving difficult. Haruka was polite and kind to her which was more than he usually was with anyone, but he didn’t even try to feign interest in what she was saying most of the time. This wasn’t personal, Makoto knew, it was what Haruka was like with most people. But Gou couldn’t know that and it worried him. The fate of two kingdoms was resting on their relationship. They had to get along. Would it kill Haruka to put in a little more effort?

At least keeping Haruka away from Rin was proving easier. After that first day, Rin kept his distance from Haruka. When Haruka came too close to him he was nervous, skittish even. He stayed with them most of the time regardless as it was expected of him to chaperone interactions between Haruka and Gou but he usually stood off to the side or in the back with Sousuke. The two of them would laugh and whisper to each other while their small group walked around the palace or town. Haruka was clearly frustrated and it was partially why he wasn’t paying enough attention to Gou. He kept staring daggers at Rin and looking visibly annoyed when Rin didn’t notice him. Makoto was relieved that he didn’t take the initiative to approach Rin himself and instead was stubbornly waiting for Rin to reach out to him. He didn’t know what he would do if Haruka started going after Rin.

So of course Haruka did just that.

“When can I go swimming?” Haruka asked out of nowhere as the five of them drifted through the palace grounds. It was sunnier in Sano; while summer hadn’t yet started the weather was warm. Back in Iwatobi the end of spring was usually gloomy. The ocean nearby brought a pattern of fog that didn’t dissipate until late in the afternoon.

“That’s not a good idea.” Makoto was surprised that it was Rin who answered him. It never seemed liked he was paying particular attention to Haruka.

“Why not?” Makoto recognized that tone of voice. It was the same one he had whenever Makoto tried to explain to him he couldn't go swimming in the ocean that day on account of needing to be there when foreign dignitaries arrived, having lessons to attend to, or that they were in the middle of a storm.

“It would be improper for you to swim with Gou.” He said it like it was obvious but from Haruka’s response it was clear he didn’t understand what Rin was talking about at all.

“What? Why? Did you never teach her to swim?”

“I did. But you know, that’s just… it’s _indecent_.”

Haruka was staring at him like he’d gone mad. “Why not? Oh, do you mean because she’d be undressed? That’s fine. It’s mostly women that swim in Iwatobi. They’re the divers. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.” Now it was Rin’s turn to look gobsmacked.

While technically true (and something Makoto himself had been witness to) it was hardly the same situation. Working women busy with a task at hand were nowhere in the same league as the princess of a foreign country lounging around in the water, engaged to Haruka or not. Besides, Haruka left out the part where he was only allowed near the beaches used by female divers when he was a child. If he went near them now they’d probably pelt him with clam shells, prince or not.

“That’s okay, Brother. I can spend the day catching up on packing. You should go swimming with him — you did promise him after all,” Gou smoothly replied for Rin.

“But… are you sure?” The siblings had a silent conversation with each other. “Okay, okay fine,” Rin said. “You, me, Sousuke, and Makoto can spend the day swimming while Gou packs.”

“About that…” Makoto began.

“Makoto can’t swim,” Haruka explained for him.

“Okay,” said Rin, “the three of us then.”

“Nope. I’ve got stuff to do.”

Rin whipped around to stare at him. Sousuke avoided his eyes. “What are you talking about. You don’t have stuff to do.”

“I do. Some stuff with my dad. Nothing big but I’ve been putting it off.” Silently Makoto had been thinking of Sousuke as an ally in keeping Haruka and Rin apart. Now he was feeling betrayed.

“So put it off some more.”

“Can’t. You two have fun.” Sousuke smirked.

“They won’t be alone,” Makoto butted in to clarify, “I’ll watch them. I just won’t go in the water.” There was no way in hell he’d leave the two of them alone to frolic in the water. Even if he wasn’t already uncomfortable at the thought of them together there was the small fact that the King and Queen of Iwatobi would kill him if Haruka drowned while in Sano. Makoto couldn’t jump into the water to rescue him but he could tell him not to do something stupid like dive in next to a pile of rocks.

Rin looked relieved. “Fine. We’ll head up to Crystal Falls tomorrow.”

Beside him, Haruka was positively beaming. Makoto doubted anyone could tell (Haruka’s emotions were on the subtle side) but to him it was obvious this was what Haruka had wanted all along.

“Great,” said Makoto. He tried his best to shove down his growing worry Haruka was paying too much attention to the wrong sibling. He didn’t even allow himself to think about what that might mean.

☆

Something about Haruka set Rin on edge. When they were children his cold attitude had irritated him. It wasn’t like that this time. Haruka didn’t annoy him — after all, he knew now Haruka was a good person, a weirdo for sure, but a nice enough guy. What Rin felt around Haruka was something different - something more physical. His body heated up and his stomach churned. He would feel his mouth grow dry while his palms would start sweating. It was bizarre. He wondered if it was possible to be allergic to a person.

He avoided getting too close to Haruka. He knew he was coming off as a little rude — Sousuke and Gou had both told him as much — but he thought it was for the best. He should have seen their betrayal coming. As soon as Haruka had suggested they go swimming together Sousuke and Gou had both come up with flimsy excuses to pawn him off on Haruka. Some friends they were. He’d thought at least Makoto would be there to act as a barrier but apparently he didn’t swim. Rin soon figured out why. He was more than a little afraid of water. He watched them from a good distance away, and despite his instance he would watch them to make sure Haruka didn’t do anything foolish (what that meant, Rin had no idea) he had fallen asleep. There were still their bodyguards somewhere in the near vicinity, but they were all keeping out of sight for the trio’s privacy. That left Rin essentially alone with Haruka in a pool of water that was feeling much smaller than Rin had remembered.

“Wanna race?” Haruka asked as he lazily drifted past Rin.

“No,” said Rin. What he wanted was to be as far away from Haruka as possible but it was proving difficult. There was only so many places for him to hide in the small pool of water at the base of Crystal Falls.

“Okay. I understand.”

Rin knew he shouldn’t rise to Haruka’s bait but he did so anyway. “What do you understand?”

“You’re obviously saving face since you know you’d only lose. It’s understandable. As a prince you’re probably not used to others beating you.” Haruka continued to float in lazy circles as he talked.

“Excuse me? I’ve been swimming longer than you have. You’re the one who would lose. Also what the hell is with talking like you’re not a prince too? And what does that even mean? Of course I don’t always win stuff. Do I look coddled to you?” It was probably the most he had said to Haruka all day.

“So you admit it then. You’re a loser.”

“That’s not what I said. Stop twisting my words.” Rin sent a wave of water towards Haruka, sending him sputtering as he tried to regain his composure.

“Prove it then. Race me,” he said once he had stopped coughing.

“Fine. You’re on.”

To Rin’s embarrassment, Haruka won. Rin demanded an immediate rematch. Haruka complied. Rin beat him that time. This sent Haruka into an obvious state of irritation. “Fine, fine. Another rematch then.” Rin was confident he would win again. He didn’t. They spent hours this way; neither of them the definite winner. More than once they even managed to tie — this was particularly frustrating by how impossible it felt. Rin raced Sousuke sometimes and they never tied. It just didn’t happen. He would almost believe Haruka was just messing with him if he didn’t seem as frustrated by the situation as Rin was. By the time Makoto woke up, they’d both completely lost track of how many times each of them had won. This too was strange for Rin. He usually paid more attention to these things.

“That was fun,” Rin admitted while the two of them dried off, finally joining Makoto away from the waterfall to sit on a blanket in the sun.

“Yeah,” Haruka had an unreadable expression on. “I want to visit Lake Sano. The person you mentioned before who lives there, it’s Sousuke, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but… don’t you have to go back to Iwatobi soon?”

“In a few days I suppose. But that’s plenty of time.” It was a mistake to look Haruka in the eyes; they were demanding Rin do what he wanted. Rin was weak to his eyes for some reason.

“You’ll have to talk to Sousuke’s family about it.” Rin doubted they would say no though. Who would reject the opportunity to host a visiting prince in their home?

“We can go tomorrow then. You’ll come too, right?” His eyes were piercing as he waited for Rin’s answer.

“Yeah, of course. We can all go.” Rin looked away from his eyes, wanting to escape his strong gaze. It was a mistake.

Apart from the thin pair of shorts that were Haruka’s underwear his skin was bare; water glistened on his body in a few places where it had not yet dried. He was muscular, but not overly so, and unusually tan for nobility — it was more befitting for someone who regularly worked outdoors. He met Haruka’s eyes again. He was giving Rin a curious look. Rin averted his eyes again; this time in embarrassment though he didn’t exactly understand why he felt embarrassed to have been caught scanning Haruka’s body.

“We should get dressed and head back,” Rin said, speaking more to himself than to Haruka. Makoto was giving him a funny look too. Rin had totally forgotten he was even there.

He was careful not to look at Haruka while they dressed.

☆

It took all morning to get to Lake Sano. When their small traveling group arrived they were all desperately hungry for lunch. Haruka made a beeline toward the lake but Makoto expertly grabbed his shoulder and dragged him away to say hello Sousuke’s family. Sousuke’s mother had been a soldier. She’d been close to Rin’s father and had died in battle shortly before he did. Since Sousuke’s father was still in the palace this meant saying hello to his father’s sister, her annoyingly chipper husband, and their five bratty children — four boys and one girl, each more irritating than the last. Rin was glad they mostly kept to themselves on the rare occasions he had to see them.

It was late in the afternoon by the time Sousuke’s family was finished dragging Haruka around on an impromptu tour of their manor and grounds, and even later still when everyone was finished eating what was really dinner, lunch having long since passed. Still Haruka clearly wanted to go swimming and Rin didn’t want to deny him that.

“Hey,” he said quietly to Haruka as everyone started to go their separate ways. “Want to go swimming with me?”

Haruka nodded, his enthusiasm obvious.

Rin smiled. “Follow me then.”

☆

“So, how do you like Lake Sano?” Rin asked when Haruka came up for air after diving into the lake from the Yamazaki family’s private docks.

“It’s nice. It’s bigger than I thought it would be.” Lake Sano was the largest lake in Sano. It was technically part of the river that ran from Sano to Iwatobi but ships rarely went past the capital city so most of the ships in the area belonged to the locals of Lake Sano. Several wealthy families lived along the lakeside and there was a small village across from the Yamazaki’s manor on the other side of the lake. It was an isolated spot and one of the rare places Rin and Gou’s bodyguards let them be. Because of that, it had become a cherished spot for them to visit.

“Really? What were you picturing, a pond?”

“Something I could swim across easily. But this will take some effort.” Rin had never swum across the lake before but he guessed it would take Haruka at least an hour to pull it off, if not more.

“Don’t start swimming across the lake now. The sun’s going to set on you.”

“Tomorrow then. I’ll race you?”

“Across a whole lake?” He was pretty sure the both of them would by dying about halfway across.

“Oh, are you not good at long distance swimming? That’s understandable. You don’t have a whole ocean to practice with like I do.”

“Don’t try to make it sound like you swim across the entire ocean. I may live in a landlocked country but I know how big the ocean is.”

“Well?”

Rin sighed. “I’ll race you, okay? But today let’s relax.”

“Fine.”

They drifted around for a while, mostly floating around aimlessly. They were both tired from traveling, and possibly even more tired from spending time with the Sousuke’s family. For a prince, Haruka was remarkably bad at socializing. It was easy for Rin to see how uncomfortable he was when people tried to make small talk with him, especially when they were adults. It was probably a good thing he was marrying Gou; he definitely needed a partner that didn’t mind playing nice with all the court officials and visiting nobles.

“Hey,” said Rin, “are there no lakes in Iwatobi?” For some reason, he felt compelled to break the silence between them, blurting out the first question that came to mind.

Haruka took a while to respond, enough that Rin began to worry Haruka hadn’t heard him. “There are a few but they’re much smaller. Actually after seeing Lake Sano I’m not so sure they count as lakes at all.”

“Oh. Does Iwatobi look much different than Sano?” Rin knew a lot about geography, about all the different environments in the world. But illustrations in books were as close as he would get to seeing them. As royalty it was unlikely he’d ever get to travel to any of them. It wasn’t a simple matter of getting on a boat and sailing away: it took negotiation and advanced notice with whatever country he planned on visiting. He couldn't impede on his mother by asking her to plan some big trip for him. And when he would be king spending too much time away from his own country could be downright dangerous; the court nobles and officials were always jostling for more power — they would surely take advantage of his absence.

“It’s less green. It’s not dry, exactly. There’s plenty of fog and it rains in the winter but still, it’s much more brown than here.”

“There’s a desert, right?” Rin knew about the desert because it was where his father had died in battle.

“Yes. Near the border there’s a desert, but it’s not very large. It’s more like just sand dunes.” Rin bit back a feeling of disappointment. He had pictured his father dying in a harsh, unforgiving desert — a place of death terrifying enough that it spoke of his bravery to even fight there. To hear it described as “just sand dunes” broke that illusion. He wanted to believe his father had died gloriously in a great battle, not in some small skirmish he could have avoided.

Haruka seemed to notice his silence. He continued on, changing the subject. “I don’t visit the inland part of Iwatobi very much. Most people live along the coast. That’s where I live too.”

Rin nodded out of habit; Haruka probably couldn’t see him. It was common knowledge that the capital of Iwatobi was against the ocean. He’d seen drawings of the castle Haruka lived in. It was an imposing structure on a sea cliff. It looked incredibly dangerous — and that was only in a picture. It was armed to the teeth and could set anything in visual distance on fire. Only once in history had Sano’s military made it that far and it had been a disaster.

“What’s it like? The ocean.”

Haruka drifted over to him. Rin couldn’t see him but he could sense him in the water and knew if he reached out he could touch him.

“It’s strange being away from it. You get used to seeing it stretching out in front of you. It’s like not being able to see the sky.”

“I think I would feel that way if I couldn’t see the mountains.” Sano was a very mountainous country, making it feel even more isolated than it was. In the winter much of its borders were impassable.

“The docks are always busy. When it smells like fish you know you’re nearing where the fisherman sell off their catch for the day. There are birds everywhere. They’re not afraid of people at all. They’ll steal food right out of your hands.”

“Has that happened to you?”

“All the time.”

Rin giggled, picturing a wily bird flying off with Haruka’s food.

“It’s no laughing matter.” Rin could hear the pout in his voice.

He sank down into the water, going from floating to treading water. Haruka glanced at him and did the same. “Tell me about swimming in the ocean,” Rin asked, watching Haruka carefully.

“The waves are annoying. Sometimes massive beds of kelp float around on the surface. If you touch them it’s gross. But it’s even worse if they wash up on shore. Flies collect around them. Hundreds and hundreds of flies. Sand isn’t all that great either—”

“Be serious.” Rin sent a wave of water in his direction, splashing him all over his face. Haruka stared at Rin in betrayal and shock before splashing him back with an even bigger wave of water.

“I was being serious. Don’t give me that look. Fine. It’s freeing swimming in ocean. There’s no one around you, not if you swim out far enough. It’s just you and the water, nothing else.” Water dripped down Haruka’s face.

“Do you like being alone?” Rin asked.

“Yes,” Haruka said without missing a beat.

“I think you’re lying,” said Rin.

Haruka frowned. “I’m not lying.”

“You are. Do you want to me tell you how I know?” There was a mischievous glint in Rin’s eyes.

“I’m not lying,” Haruka said stubbornly.

“You are. I’ll prove it. You’re happy right now.”

Haruka’s eyes widened in surprise and then narrowed. “I can be happy alone _and_ with people,” he said.

“You got me there.” Rin used his arms and legs to push himself backwards in the water, away from Haruka. “But I still think you don’t like being alone. No one does, not really. You like the freedom being alone gives you. Why? Do you not like being a prince?”

Haruka swam after him.

“Do you?” he asked.

Rin kicked with his legs, pushing himself further back. “I don’t know. There are good things and bad things about being a prince.”

Haruka caught up to him. “If you don’t know, why are you asking me?”

Rin laughed. “It wasn’t a general question. I have my experiences and you have yours. So, do you? Do you like being a prince?”

“No,” said Haruka.

“I believe you this time,” said Rin.

“I don’t want the fate of a whole country on my hands. I want to do whatever I want, go wherever I please without bodyguards following me and people I don’t know watching my every move, looking for signs of weakness to exploit. I want to choose my own path in life, not follow a plan already laid out for me.”

They were close enough to the shore to stand with their heads above the water. Rin reached out and moved a strand of hair from Haruka’s face.

“Yeah. I understand that.” Haruka didn’t say it but Rin could see in his eyes that he was talking about his engagement to Gou. Perhaps selfishly, Rin had never considered Haruka’s feelings on the engagement. In the back of his mind he had assumed Haruka was either indifferent or pleased with the arrangement. But that didn’t seem to be the case. It saddened Rin for Gou’s sake. She deserved a husband that loved her. But there was another, uglier feeling underneath that, one Rin pushed away in fear before he could name it.

“Dolphins,” said Haruka.

“What?” It was a foreign word to Rin.

“Once I swam with dolphins. That’s how free I want to be.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about. What are dolphins?”

“You’ve never seen a dolphin? Maybe they don’t live in freshwater.”

As they made their way out of the lake, Haruka elaborated on the wonders of dolphins. Explaining what they looked like, how they came up to the surface to breathe, the way hundreds of them would swim together right near the coast at certain times of the year. Haruka insisted they were much smarter than other fish or even animals — Rin had a hard time believing a giant fish could be more intelligent than a horse.

By the time they made it inside to change and get ready for bed, the sun had set.

☆

“Have you two exhausted yourselves yet?”

Haruka and Rin lay on the shores of the Lake Sano, panting, after having swum across the lake and back in what started as a race and ended up as pathetic doggy paddle and then walk of shame back to shore. Above them, Gou stood with her hands on her hips, torn between amusement and worry.

“I think we can go again. What do you think, Haru?” Haruka waved his hand and murmured something unintelligible. “He agrees with me. We can swim across the lake at least seven more times.”

“You’re such an idiot. I was seriously worried about you two, you know. I started considering asking Lady Yamazaki to unmoor her boat so I could go rescue you.”

“Why didn’t you?” asked Rin. He was still too tired to sit up. Beside him, Haruka made a feeble attempt to roll over onto his back.

“I thought it might be better if you two drowned. It would certainly teach you a lesson.” She was wearing a simple red sundress that would have been considered wholly inappropriate for a lady of her stature to wear. Rin wondered where she got it. Probably stole it from one of the Yamazaki’s maids.

“Lies. You would never let your beloved brother drown.”

“Oh? Do we have another brother I wasn’t aware of?”

Rin mimed being stabbed in the heart. Gou rolled her eyes.

“When you two are done dying, you should join us for lunch. Unless you want to wait until we get back to the palace to eat.”

“No, we’ll be there. Right, Haru?” There was no way in hell Rin was going to make the trip back to the capital exhausted _and_ hungry.

“Definitely.” Haruka was still struggling to do anything but lie on his stomach.

“Great. I’ll go tell them to save a spot for you at the table.”

☆

During the journey back, Rin shadowed Haruka, chatting with him about their home countries — though he was finding Haruka more reserved out of water. Makoto sometimes answered for him which was another thing that was different. When they were in the water they were alone but on land Makoto never left Haruka’s side. Rin liked Makoto well enough. He seemed to be a kind and agreeable person. It just wasn’t what Rin was used to — there was lack of biting remarks and playful taunts between them. The few times Rin tried his wit out on Makoto, his gibes fell flat. Makoto stayed firmly polite and sincere when talking with Rin. With someone else Rin might have thought they were trying to suck up to him by pretending to be nice but with Makoto his entire manner screamed he was a genuinely nice person.

“How long have you two been friends?” Rin had asked Haruka and Makoto.

“Since we were children,” said Makoto. “My father has been the Grand Steward since Queen Nanase has been on the throne.” In Iwatobi the Grand Steward was the right hand man (or woman) of the reigning monarch. They were something like a personal assistant, but one with significant prestige and power. There was no such position in Sano — keeping power divided among the nobles was important to keeping the country functioning. The roles of a Grand Steward were divided between various nobles and servants. It was clunky but necessary; the quick turnover of monarchs in Iwatobi (specifically the short-lived reigns of any kings that took the throne) had shifted power away from the royal family and they did what they could to keep any one person from becoming a threat.

When they spotted the palace a sinking feeling struck Rin. Gou and Haruka were leaving at first light. They didn’t have much choice; they were cutting it close as it was. Rin was still unsure of how long Gou would spend in Iwatobi but just the journey back and forth would take almost a month in total. It was just his luck that the capital cities of both kingdoms were nearly at the opposite ends of the river that connected them.

But at least she would come back.

Rin turned to Haruka. “Race you to the palace?”

“No,” said Haruka.

“What, afraid you’re going to—“ Rin was about to say “lose” when Haruka took off running. The little cheat.

“Hey! That’s cheating.” Rin ran after him, annoyed and amused all at once.

“This isn’t a race. I just felt like jogging to the palace,” Haruka countered.

“Whatever. Good move. You need the head start.” Rin smirked when Haruka tensed up in irritation.

☆

“You’ll write to me?” Gou asked.

“Of course. Every day,” Rin said.

The sun was just starting to rise. There were few people at the docks but their corner was bustling with activity as the crew made their final preparations for the trip back down to Iwatobi. This was the part Rin had dreaded. He hated saying goodbye.

“Not every day. Well you can, but that’s not what I mean. Just write to me sometimes. Okay?”

“Okay. You too.” He hugged her and then kissed the top of her head. “Goodbye, Gou. Have fun, okay?”

“Goodbye, brother. Try not to get into too much trouble while I’m gone.”

She boarded the ship, leaving him behind on the docks suddenly feeling all alone in the world.

“Rin.”

He turned, startled, at the unexpected voice of Haruka. He had assumed by the sight of Makoto greeting Gou on deck meant that the prince had boarded already.

“Haru?” Rin felt exposed. Sousuke had said goodbye to Gou last night. Rin was the only person seeing their ship off.

“I had a lot of fun,” said Haruka. A feeling of déjà vu came over Rin.

“Yeah,” he said. His throat felt dry.

Haruka opened his mouth to speak but seemed to think better of it — instead he reached out and hugged Rin, burying his face against Rin’s shoulder.

Rin was too shocked to move. His hands hung limply at his sides. Haruka was warm and solid — Rin didn’t know why that surprised him.

“Goodbye, Rin.” Rin could feel the words leaving Haruka — they vibrated against him, tickled his neck as they came out.

He raised his arms, wrapped them around Haruka carefully. He was so solid and alive — it made Rin’s heart race.

“See you again someday, Haru.”

They parted and Rin felt as if he had taken some Rin’s solidness for himself. It didn’t feel like he was properly connected to his body anymore. He waved at Haruka, or at least tried to — his arms felt like they belonged to someone else — but Haruka didn’t turn around. He thought that was for the best — he could barely handle the strange looks Makoto and Gou were giving him.

He tripped several times on his way back to the palace. His bodyguard caught him each time, shaking his head as though he understood something Rin didn’t.


	3. dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You may have noticed that the rating has changed but don't get your hopes up because it's probably not what you want/were expecting – which sounds super ominous but don't worry, it's still Haru/Rin related... well you'll see.

Gou could tell they were nearing Iwatobi’s capital. The air was different, cooler, with a slight breeze and the smell of something unfamiliar to her.

She was glad. Her initial excitement about the journey had worn off around the third day. There was only so much to do on a riverboat when you were a passenger. She’d offered to help in any way she could, prompting the captain to laugh at her as he’d assumed she’d been pulling his leg.

“Good one, Princess. A sense of humor is all one need’s in life,” he said when he was done chuckling at her offer.

She tried spending time with Haruka but he was quite possibly the worst company to be had on the boat. All he did was watch the water go by — an incredibly boring pursuit as their ship wasn’t zooming down the river so much as gently plodding along. Makoto was a better conversation partner and she usually spent at least some part of the day talking to him. When they were up to it, she played dice games with her bodyguards. A few crew members would join them on occasion. But after ten days of being cramped up with the same people, her stomach never feeling quite right from the rocking of the boat, she was thrilled freedom was almost at hand. The first thing she wanted to do was take a bath — a proper long bath in heated water. Assuming that was even a thing in Iwatobi. If it wasn’t she was heading straight back to Sano.

The buildings in Iwatobi's capital were simple white and brown structures. Gou had always considered brown to be a rich, warm color but in Iwatobi it took on a drab, somber hue. The clothing was equally dreary — greys, whites, and dark blues were everywhere. But there were also a fair share of people in clothing styles that were completely out of place. They were clearly visitors to Iwatobi like her.

They had barely pulled into the docks when a boy in spectacles walked up to the ship and started shouting at Haruka’s direction.

“It’s about time!” His purple tunic and black trousers weren’t in style in Iwatobi or Sano and made her wonder why a clear foreigner was shouting at the Prince of Iwatobi.

“What was that?” asked Haruka.

“You heard me just fine!”

“How did you know we’d arrived?” asked Makoto.

“Are you kidding? By now—”

“—Never mind that,” said Haruka, “Did you bring a carriage?”

“Of course! Who do you think you’re talking to?” He puffed up his chest, looking quite pleased with himself.

“Gou.” Haruka walked over to her. “Are you ready?”

“Yes, but my things—”

“Don’t worry. They'll be taken care of.”

Their small group joined the boy in spectacles. He blushed when he noticed her.

“Oh my. I knew you’d be on board but… I’m so sorry for my egregious behavior earlier Your Royal Highness!” He bowed several times, only stopping when his spectacles had slipped too far off his nose.

“Gou, this is Rei,” said Haruka when he'd stopped to readjust them.

“He’s Ambassador of Tottori’s son,” Makoto added helpfully.

An ambassador’s son? Few foreign dignitaries visited Sano, let alone stayed there for extended periods of time. A large country like Tottori in particular had no interest in small, isolated Sano.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Rei,” she said.

“No, the pleasure is all mine, Your Highness!” He was still terribly flustered.

“How do you like Iwatobi?” she asked, genuinely curious.

He adjusted his spectacles again. “I have a great fondness for Iwatobi and its citizens. If Your Majesty is looking for any recommendations of places to visit, I have many.”

“I’ll certainly appreciate your input. I fear if I ask Prince Haruka he’ll point me at water, water, and more water.”

Makoto chuckled while Rei struggled to keep from smiling.

“A valid fear,” Rei said, his eyes twinkling.

☆

Her first letter from Rin came the day after Haruka’s birthday. Summer had come full force in Sano. The palace had emptied out as most of the nobility preferred to spend the summer months at their countryside estates — many of which were better built to handle the summer heat than the palace. Rin was planning to spend a few weeks with the Yamazaki’s. Gou would have done the same if she’d been at home.

 _Dear Brother,_ she wrote, _I’ve received your letter._

She told him about her journey to Iwatobi, the towns they passed by, the crew members she’d gotten to know. She wrote about what she’d seen of Iwatobi so far — her first view of the ocean, the dramatic scenery from her bedroom window, the bustling marketplace with people from around the world. And of course, she wrote about the people she’d met.

Ambassador Ryugazaki was an elegant woman and like her two sons wore spectacles, a rarity in both Sano and Iwatobi as they were extremely expensive. Her husband was a scholar of the natural sciences. He was second only to Haruka as a source of irritation for the castle servants as he had tendency to track mud, dirt, sand, and more all over the castle.

The Tachibana’s were as kind as their son. It was easy to see where he got it from. He had two younger siblings, twins, a boy and a girl named Ren and Ran who took quite a liking to Gou. The played games with her and begged her to tell them about Sano.

Hazuki Nagisa was the final member of the small group that flocked around Haruka. He was a real terror, by far the most rowdy of the group. He tested her patience at times but when his energies weren’t directed at her she found him quite amusing. His mother and father were minor nobles of some sort but they were not particularly involved in court life. By far she was most fond of his three older sisters. It was like she'd gained three sisters of her own. It was a type of female companionship she'd never had.

Finally, there was the royal family. King Nanase was a charming but busy man and she rarely saw him. She did not know exactly what it was he did as he was a consort and did not officially have power in the kingdom but there was clearly something that kept him occupied. Queen Nanase at least always had breakfast with them. She was intimidating but personable. Years ago her uncle, the previous king, had been mysteriously assassinated. He'd left behind no heir so the throne had fallen to his niece. It had not been a peaceful transition. His supporters had been warmongers profiteering off the war with Sano and knew she wasn’t in favor of it. Queen Nanase had been forced to execute almost all of them.

As for Haruka, he remained distant but he was kind in his own way. She had forgotten to show him her birds back in Sano which she now knew was a shame — he was very interested in them, asking her question after question about their preferences and habits, how she trained them, what they looked like, which one was her favorite, etc. It seemed he was a great fan of animals. People though… not so much. He was unhappy the entire day of his birthday, clearly hating to be at the center of such a huge celebration. He’d disappeared early on into the evening. Queen Nanase had been obviously irritated by his absence. Her husband had been less concerned — perhaps because not long after Haruka's disappearance act he'd vanished too. It seemed neither of the Nanase men were very social.

_I look forward to your next letter. Please send my love to mother and grandma and tell Sousuke to take care of himself better. A small injury can turn worse if he doesn’t let himself rest._

_Love,_

_Your Charming Sister Gou_

☆

Gou fell into a comfortable routine. Wake up, have breakfast with the Queen and Haruka, spend the morning exploring Iwatobi, have lunch with whoever she was with, explore some more into the afternoon, have dinner back in the castle and then spend the rest of her evening with Nagisa’s sisters. She missed home but there was a certain freedom to being away. These people didn’t know her, they didn’t have any expectations of her personality. She wasn’t sure if it made her feel more or less like herself just yet.

She tried to spend time with Haruka but it was complicated by the fact that he wasn’t easy to track down — by her or by anyone. It had become another part of her routine — they way she'd notice Haruka sneaking off or sense his bodyguards were in a panic because once again they’d lost track of their charge. It didn’t seem possible to her a prince could regularly slip by unnoticed from a castle on a cliff and not be recognized by anyone in town but Haruka did just that, and regularly. While Makoto had looked after Haruka while they were in Sano, in Iwatobi he had his own duties and studies to attend to — he really, truly wasn’t Haruka’s servant — which meant when Haruka sneaked off he was alone. Gou became curious about how he did it and where he went. She started watching him, carefully, trying to see if she could catch the moment he disappeared. She followed him one day only to find herself in an empty room, Haruka having vanished into thin air. Clearly there were secret passages in the castle he was taking advantage of. Annoyed, she tried a different tactic. She left the castle early in the morning and waited at the bottom of the cliff, hoping she could spot Haruka leaving. Finally, there was a day she did.

She almost laughed when she saw him. If she hadn’t been staring at everyone leaving the castle she would have missed him. He was cleverer than people realized. He’d disguised himself as messenger.

She followed him to the beach where he disappeared behind some rocks. A few minutes passed. She debated going after him but there was no need. He’d reappeared, this time wearing the shabbiest outfit she’d seen on him yet. The messenger bag he’d been carrying was gone.

He really was clever.

He made his way into the city, completely oblivious to Gou trailing behind him. He walked around, bought himself an apple from a street vendor, went into a few shops, popped into a tavern for an hour (Gou had almost died of boredom), and finally made his way back to the beach. When he disappeared behind the rocks again she assumed this meant his little excursion was over. It wasn’t. A few minutes later she noticed a figure wading out into the ocean for a swim. _Of course._

Well then, it was time for her to make her move.

She was waiting for him beside his piles of clothes when he returned. He gave no hint he was surprised to see her, acting more as if her appearance was expected.

“Pass me that bag, will you?” he asked.

She threw it at him a little more harshly than she’d intended.

“Well?” she asked.

“‘Well’ what?” he asked as he started to change back into the messenger outfit.

“What was that all about?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“You sneak out of the castle and worry everyone silly to jaunt around town? That’s it?”

“I swam too,” he said, frowning as he fastened his pants. “And I don’t see your bodyguard.”

She turned red. “He’s taking the day off.” For the past few days she’d been pretending to have “stomach pains” and had asked him to leave her alone so she could rest in bed.

“How convenient,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head. “I sneak out, as you put it, because if I went around with a bunch of bodyguards trailing behind me everyone would know who I am.”

“And that’s a problem why?”

“I don’t want people to treat me differently because I’m their prince. I want to be treated like everyone else.” He began gathering his scattered clothing, shoving them into the messenger bag.

“Do you not like being a prince?”

He made a sound that was not quite a laugh. “Rin asked the same question. Being a prince is endlessly bothersome. I want to choose my own fate, not be stuck with what someone else has chosen for me.”

His words stung. “Well tough,” she said, angry.

Haruka looked taken aback by her tone. He stared at her, puzzled, and then a look of realization hit him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply unhappiness with our… situation.”

“Situation? Do you mean our engagement?” He flinched. “It’s not great sign you need to use a euphemism.”

“I’m sure in time I will come to see our… engagement as a blessing.” If he’d meant to be reassuring it wasn’t working. But she didn’t hold it against him. She felt similarly cautiously optimistic about their relationship. They didn’t need to fall in love — friendship was more than enough in a situation like theirs.

“I understand at least, feeling trapped by fate. I don’t enjoy being shuffled off like a prize. Because I’m promised to you it’s Rin that everyone looks to as the future of Sano. I'm an outsider in my own country.” It was a feeling she’d never admitted to anyone before. “They're reluctant to educate me as it serves them no purpose. My appearance is the only thing worthy of nurture in their eyes. That and useless skills like embroidering a napkin.” Her smile was acrid.

“I enjoy embroidery,” he said, “I forced them to teach me.”

She laughed. “Of course. Rin once sat in on an embroidery lesson with me. His stitches were awful and Lady Momiji wouldn’t let him return. Said he was a disgrace to embroidery.”

“I won’t let him near my embroidery kit then.” He offered her his hand and helped her stand up.

“Thank you for telling me how you feel,” said Haruka. “Shall we head back?”

Gou nodded and followed him back to castle.

☆

The next evening there was a package of clothing waiting for her in her room — several pants and shirts in various styles and colors. A small note was attached to the package.

_You do not need to wear them, but I thought you would like the freedom to choose. There’s no need to put on a front here, around me or anyone else (well, perhaps with my mother). Wear and do what you want while you’re in Iwatobi. No one will care, not when they’re already busy chiding me._

_—Haru_

☆

 

Summer wasn’t the same without Gou. It was a rare time of year. Most of their tutors elected to escape the palace. The heat was was simply too unbearable. Summer was a time to explore and play around, to take advantage of their lessened obligations. Rin was bored and restless without her. He could only impose on the Yamazakis for so long. So Rin spent the summer visiting the estates of several other noble families with boys around his age.

The Nitoris had a nice mountain villa but after a few days he was sick and tired of the way they hovered around him and seemed to fall into distress the moment he stopped smiling.

The Shiginos were too social. Almost every night was some party or dinner and he had enough of that sort of thing the rest of the year.

The Mikoshibas were the easiest for him to get along with but they were also terribly draining. Their youngest was especially exhausting. No amount of heat deterred him from wanting to hike all over their spacious property, searching for stag beetles.

He was quite happy when summer began to wind down and was relieved when he received a letter from Gou stating she was already on her way back home. Finally things could go back to the way they were before.

☆

“Welcome home, Gou.” Rin helped his sister out of her carriage.

“Thank you. It’s good to be back. How have things been since your last letter?”

They made their way to the palace. It was late in the evening; the sun was beginning to set.

“Not much has happened. Sousuke’s dad is back in the palace. Everyone else will be following soon enough. How about you?”

“I have some news. Haruka and his mother will be visiting for my birthday in the winter. She’ll only spend a few days here but he’s hoping to stay a while longer if possible.”

That stopped Rin in his tracks. “Why?” he asked.

“Partly they would like to thank me for attending his birthday. But they’re also aware my sixteenth birthday is my debut into society.” Until now she’d been technically barred from attending more formal events (of really there were only balls) at the palace, not that it had ever really applied to her. The palace was her home and if she wanted to sneak into a ball she could. They both had done so several times when they were children.

Rin grimaced. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“I know. I think the Queen just wants to meet with Mother for some reason.” Rin didn’t like the sound of that. “There’s one more thing. Haruka’s written a letter for you. He made me promise to make you read it.”

She handed him an envelope. Rin rubbed the indentations in Haruka’s personal seal.

“I’ll read it, I promise.” He tucked it into his pocket. He didn’t want to read it in front of her.

“Good,” she said. They walked into the palace.

☆

 _Dear Rin_ ,

_In case Gou hasn’t told you yet, I plan on visiting Sano for her birthday. Right now the plan is for me to travel with my mother. We'll only stay a few days. I enjoyed being in Sano. I would like to get to know it a little better. I would like to depart a few weeks later than my mother. Please let me know if that is all right with you._

_Yours,_

_Haru_

Rin's grip tightened around Haruka’s letter as he read it. And then read it again. And again. He had no idea why Haruka was asking him — not Gou or their mother but _him_ — about staying longer. He was confused but elated, which only served to confuse him more. He was glad he'd chosen to read the letter alone. He was having trouble calming down his heart.

He wrote a quick reply telling Haruka of course he could stay longer. He could stay as long as he wanted. Rin didn’t mind at all.

☆

Snow had not yet fallen in the city. But much of the surrounding mountains were already snowcapped. The palace was nearly full. Most nobles spent the winter in the city if not the palace itself and Gou’s upcoming birthday meant even more visitors than usual.

Rin was in lessons when Haruka and Queen Nanase arrived. He wasn’t able to see them until dinner. He ran to the dining hall when he was excused, catching more than a few annoyed glares.

Haruka was already seated when he arrived. Rin’s failed to hide his shock at seeing him. The sloppy clothing he wore in the summer had been replaced by perfectly tailored dress clothes; a bright blue cravat brought out the color in his eyes. He was everything a prince should look like.

He forced himself to tear his eyes off Haruka and went to greet Queen Nanase. He was relieved they were all seated at the high table now, not like when they were children, because it meant he was separated from Haruka by both queens and his grandmother (Dowager Queen Kyou) who sat on one side of him while Gou sat on the other.

He was out of it for the entire meal. Gou gossiped with their grandmother about which nobles planned on staying in the palace for winter.

When the queens were done eating they retreated to the great room, giving the nobility the opportunity to chat and socialize with them. There was likely some small form of entertainment waiting for them in it too — perhaps musicians or dancers. Rin followed after them.

“Rin,” a voice called out. It was Haruka of course. He motioned to the corner.

“Hi,” Haruka said when Rin met him there.

“Hey,” said Rin. He cleared his throat. “How have you been?”

“Great.” They were both looking at the floor.

“That’s great to hear,” Rin offered lamely.

“Rin, I—“ Haru began.

“—There you are!” Gou interrupted. “I was sent to find you two. Haruka, Queen Nanase seemed worried you’ve already scampered off to change.”

Haruka frowned.

“Oops. I meant Haru. I’m trying! It was one thing to address you as Haru in letters but another to say it out loud. You don’t make Rei call you Haru.”

“That’s Rei. It’s hard enough to get him to stop saying ‘Your Highness’ all the time.”

She giggled. “Very true.”

Rin watched how easily their conversation flowed with a sinking feeling in his stomach.

“Isn’t that right, Brother?”

“What?” He hadn’t been listening to their conversation.

“Never mind. Let’s get going before Queen Nanase sends someone to look for me.”

☆

Two days passed like that, Haruka and Gou in easy conversation while Rin skulked beside them, until finally Gou’s birthday arrived.

“Who pissed in your soup?” asked Sousuke, joining him where he sat in a corner of the great room, watching as noble after noble presented Gou with gifts.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Rin grumbled.

“That sour face you have on isn’t your best look. Plus, you’ve been avoiding me lately.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“True. Let me rephrase that: you’ve been avoiding everyone lately. I’ve been having to spend my free time with Kisumi. Kisumi, Rin. _Kisumi_. Do you understand how this wrecks my social life?”

Rin snorted. “You don’t have a social life.”

“Exactly!” He waved his hands around for emphasis. “And I take great pains to keep it that way. Kisumi is not conducive to that, Rin. He’s already invited me to two different parties.”

“It wouldn’t kill you to socialize.”

“I don’t think you can guarantee that. Who knows what kind of parties he’s invited me to.”

Rin smiled his first real smile in days. “Talking to you always cheers me up.”

“Because I’m a super entertaining guy?” He tried to wink at Rin but it looked more like there was something stuck in his eye.

“No, because you’re such a loser that it makes me feel better about myself.”

“Ouch. On second thought maybe I should just go and hang out with Kisumi for the rest of winter.”

“The rest of winter?” Rin raised an eyebrow in confusion. “Why would you say that?”

“On account of Nanase Haruka being the obvious source of your sour mood.”

He was sitting across from Rin with his mother. Tradition dictated that those closest to Gou would present their gifts to her last. As her fiancé, Haruka would be the last of all to give her something. He was dressed even more stylishly and formally than the first day. After Gou was done with gifts there would be a small break and then the main event — a ball in Gou’s honor — would start.

“I’m not in a bad mood. And even if I was, it’s nothing to do with Haru.”

“You’re staring at him right now,” Sousuke said flatly.

“That’s because you mentioned him! And he’s in front of me. What else would I stare at, the ceiling?”

“You chose this spot.” Rin gave him his best death glare. It was a very good death glare. He’d been practicing it for as long as he’d known Sousuke, for obvious reasons. “Fine. I’ll just pretend you’re angry about the weather.”

“Thank you. Can we talk about something else now? What is Kisumi up to anyway? He’s not staying in the palace, is he?”

“Nope, his family has a townhouse. They’re—“ While Sousuke talked he felt himself relax to the sounds of familiar names and places. He liked Kisumi quite a bit but his family wasn’t very involved in court life. It was probably too stiff and formal for them. Their fathers had grown up together. They were actually related by some degree, but that wasn’t entirely noteworthy. The royal family was related to many of the older noble families. Rin was sure if he looked back far enough he was even related to Sousuke.

When it was Sousuke’s turn to present his gift to Gou he went up with his entire family. They gave her a very beautiful hairpin encrusted in jewels while Sousuke handed her a pile of books. She looked much more pleased with the books.

Finally, it was Rin’s turn.

“Happy Birthday, Gou,” he said, handing her a small package.

She opened it and smiled. It was a pair of new falconry gauntlets. He had noticed the ones she’d been using were getting worn out. She tried it on. They fit perfectly.

“Thank you,” she said.

Next was Queen Nanase and Haruka. They gave her the gift of fabric. Piles of it, all of the finest qualities. Rin noticed they were all in shades of blue or grey — colors that Gou never wore. He frowned.

“What a tricky woman that queen is.” Sousuke had found his way back to Rin’s side. “I almost admire the trap she’s set for Gou. Now she has to wear their abominable colors or risk offending them.”

Rin’s frown deepened.

“And this is from me.” Haruka’s voice rang clear throughout the room. “It’s not much. I carved it last night.” He handed her a small wooden statue.

Rin let in a sharp intake of air. Haruka had carved a lifelike miniature model of Gou’s favorite falcon. It was the first falcon she had ever raised and trained herself. Rin had known that falcon its entire life and even he could not have recalled every detail of it to carve a statue, even if he had the skill to do so. Haruka had seen it for the first time only yesterday. It was impossible. It was beautiful.

Gou did not get emotional often — not like Rin. But she looked overcome by Haruka’s gift. “Thank you so much, Haru. I love it. It looks just like her.”

Rin didn’t hear Haruka’s reply, he was already halfway out of the room.

☆

“Would you care to dance, Prince Matsuoka?”

Rin glanced up at the pretty girl who had asked him the question. She was around his age, with long dark hair. He considered accepting her offer when from the corner of his eye he saw Gou dancing with Haruka. He declined, dark feelings bubbling to the surface again.

“Fuck, what happened to you.” Sousuke had danced with a fair share of the women in the room — most of them older and married because he liked pissing off his father. He handed Rin a drink. “Was that the Uozumi’s daughter I just saw storming off?”

“Dunno. Maybe.” Rin chugged the drink down, praying it was alcohol. It was.

“You really can’t afford to piss off the few women our age you’re not related to, Rin. Your dating pool is limited enough as it is.” Sousuke took a sip of his own drink.

On the dance floor, Gou tripped over her feet. Haruka effortlessly caught her. She smiled and laughed at something he said.

“So…” Sousuke said cautiously, “Gou and Nanase are getting along well. They must have hit if off over the summer.”

“Must’ve.” Rin tried to take a sip from his glass and then remembered it was empty.

“That’s good, right?” The song finished. “You’re not bothered by it in any way?” Haruka and Gou started walking towards the refreshments. “You’re not perhaps jealous?”

That snapped Rin to attention.

“Jealous? Of course not. I’m happy for them. I’m glad. I’m…” He struggled to deny it was jealously. That was an ugly, embarrassing emotion to feel. But it was Sousuke. He understood those dark corners of Rin’s heart. “Okay, maybe I am jealous. But can you blame me? She’s my little sister. I’ve looked out for her since we were children. Growing up, we only saw our mother maybe once a day if we were lucky. That does a number on a kid. But we were always there for each other and that made it better. We never felt unloved because of that. And now… now she has him.” He searched for them in the crowd. Haruka was handing her a glass of something. They were both radiant. “Out of all those gifts, his was the most thoughtful. She really loved it. He knows her so well.” He spoke softly at the end, a pathetic sadness creeping into his voice.

“Wow, you are fucking dense.” Sousuke raised his eyebrows in judgement and took a sip of his drink.

“What the hell’s your problem? You asked if I was jealous and I said yes.” Rin regretted finishing his drink because it meant he had nothing to throw at Sousuke. Maybe the glass itself?

“Uh, but you seem think you’re jealous of Nanase getting Gou’s attention when it’s the opposite.” An elderly couple passed by them, dancing much too fast for the song the musicians were playing.

“I don’t follow your meaning.”

“Like I said, you’re fucking dense. You’re not jealous of Nanase, you’re jealous of Gou. I don’t know why or how it happened, but somehow, in your incredible stupidity, you’ve developed a thing for your sister’s fiancé.”

Rin’s eyes went wide. The alcohol he’d forced down had achieved nothing. He’d never felt more sober in his life. His skin was crawling. There was no way, no way what Sousuke said was true. It was impossible. He barely knew Haruka. They’d seen each other for a few days as children and then again as teenagers. It was nothing. It was meaningless.

Haruka’s smile when they swam together in Lake Sano popped into his mind. He broke out into a cold sweat.

“No,” Rin said adamantly, “That’s not possible. I would know if I liked someone. And I don’t like Haru. We’re not even friends.” He was his sister’s fiancé. He was practically the most off-limits human being Rin could have feelings for.

He started to back away from Sousuke.

“You’re crazy. Stop putting weird ideas into my head. I don’t like Haru. That would be the stupidest thing I could do. He’s one, engaged to my sister, and two, obviously in love with her so why would I torture myself that way?”

“I don’t think it works that way. You don’t choose who you have feelings for. And I don’t think the relationship between Nanase and Gou is as simple as you think it is.”

Why was Sousuke telling him this? What was he trying to achieve with his poisonous words?

Rin had enough, he couldn't stand to be around dancing, happy people for one more second, not while it felt like his heart was caving in.

He ran out of the ballroom and didn’t stop until he reached his bedroom door.

☆

Queen Nanase left the next day. She'd achieved her goal — whatever it happened to be. Like he’d wanted to, Haruka stayed, settling down for the winter with the rest of them.

Rin avoided him. He avoided Gou too, but that was harder. Sousuke didn’t bring up his little theory again, which Rin was grateful for even if it was too late. The idea had been planted in his mind and it wouldn’t let him go.

Haruka tried to talk to him a few times, even pulled him physically aside after breakfast, but Rin was terse and sharp with him and destroyed any conversations Haruka tried to start.

As long as he avoided Haruka, it would be okay. He could nip these feelings in the bud before they grew too strong.

☆

_Tap, tap, tap._

A bird tapped on Rin’s window, waking him up. His bedside oil lamp was still lit, but it wouldn't last much longer. He guessed it was a little past midnight. He’d been sleeping badly lately, waking up at all hours of the night from bad dreams and small sounds that had never bothered him before.

_Bang, bang, bang._

What the hell? Was the bird throwing itself at the window?

He sat, groaning in irritation at having to leave his warm bed, and went to open the curtain, intending to shoo the suicidal bird away.

He almost screamed at the sight of Haruka standing on his window ledge.

“What the fuck? How did you even get there?” he asked once Haruka had climbed inside.

“I would tell you but I don’t think you would like the answer.” Haruka was shivering.

“What the fuck is wrong with you. Are you an idiot? Do you want to die? What if I hadn’t heard you banging on my window?” He searched for a spare robe for Haruka to wear.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” Rin helped him put on a plush, warm robe. “Thanks.”

“I haven’t been avoiding you. Here, lay down in my bed. You have to be freezing.”

“I had to break into your room in the middle of the night to get you to say more than one sentence to me. I would call that avoiding me.” Rin tucked him into bed, covering him in several layers of blankets. “Why? Is it something I said or did? I thought you wanted me stay. I would have left with my mother if you had asked me to.”

There was an unreality to Haruka’s sudden appearance in his room. Was he dreaming? But would he dream such an absurd situation? It didn’t feel like he was dreaming. Maybe Haruka was an apparition. He felt Haruka’s forehead — it was solid enough — and then pinched his cheeks for good measure.

“Ouch,” Haruka complained, “Aren’t you supposed to pinch yourself to check if you’re dreaming?”

“Who says that’s what I’m doing? I’m making sure you’re not a ghost haunting me after you fell to your death from my window ledge.”

Haruka’s eyes followed him, silently watching him as he pulled up a chair to the bedside.

Rin didn’t know how to answer Haruka’s questions without giving away the real reason he’d been avoiding him. If he had any sense at all he’d kick Haruka out his bed and call a guard to escort him back to his room. But it was hard to stay sensible when Haruka had wanted to talk to him so much he’d been climbing around on window ledges in the middle of the night. Who wouldn’t be impressed by that? Haruka had earned at least part of the truth.

“You’re a serious, serious idiot. I really shouldn’t reward your idiocy. But you’re right. I’ve been avoiding you.”

 _Tell me something I don’t know_ , said Haruka’s eyebrows.

“I meant it when I said you could stay. I _want_ you to stay. You didn’t do anything wrong.” The shadows on the wall began to flicker; the wick needed to be trimmed. “I’m avoiding you because I don’t know how to handle being around you and Gou. I feel like I’m intruding on something and instead of being happy you’re getting along I’m feeling jealous and left out.” He brought his feet up on to the chair and rested his arms on his knees before continuing. “I wish I could stop having these feelings but my brilliant plan of avoiding you until they went away clearly isn’t working out.” He gave Haruka a small smile.

Haruka didn’t say anything, just tucked himself further under Rin’s blankets. His silence was the worst reaction possible. Rin began to panic that he'd said too much. He'd tried to be as vague as possible without outright lying but perhaps it had backfired. Sousuke had seen right through him after all — understanding the type of jealousy Rin spoke of before even Rin did.

The piles of blankets were shaking, so subtly at first it looked as though it was just the flickering of the room’s light but it became more pronounced, noticeably out of sync with the rest of the flickering and finally Rin realize it was coming from Haruka — he was for some strange reason shaking under the blanket.

“Are you cold?” He asked stupidly.

“Huh? No.” Haruka’s voice had a strange quality to it. “I’m not,” he paused, and the blankets shook some more, “cold.” There was a gleam of amusement in his eyes.

“Wait, are you laughing at me?”

“No, of course,” — Haruka paused to laugh under the covers — “not,” he finished.

Rin ripped the covers off of him. Haruka covered his mouth with his hand as tried to fight down his laughter.

“You break into my room and demand I explain myself to you, and when I do, you laugh at me?” Rin was genuinely pissed.

Haruka finally calmed himself down enough to speak properly. “It’s just… that’s all?”

“What do you mean that’s all?” Clearly he’d been worried Haruka would pick up on his true feelings for nothing.

“I wanted to stay in Sano for you, Rin. Not Gou.” And like that Rin’s anger evaporated. That warm, bubbly happiness was back but this time it was laced with panic. He needed Haruka to stop talking.

“Oh, really? I’m glad. It will benefit both of our kingdoms in the future if we’re on friendly terms with each other. That’s what the treaty is all about, isn’t it?” His smile was stiff.

The laughter and amusement in Haruka’s eyes were replaced with a wariness. He sized up Rin, frowning, before continuing. “Yes. It’s in our benefit to be friends. But it’s not just that. I’m drawn to you for some reason. Maybe it’s because I can’t understand you. One moment you’re all over me” — Rin cringed — “and next you won’t even speak to me. You’re the most frustrating person I’ve ever met.”

Rin opened his mouth to protest — it was quite something for Haruka to call him frustrating when he was the one who spoke in terribly misleading ways and was impossible to read half the time — but he supposed Haruka had a fair point. Rin’s behavior around Haruka left a lot to be desired. It wasn’t Haruka’s fault Rin couldn’t sort out his feelings.

“I’m sorry. This is all so weird for me, but that’s not an excuse. Will you give me the chance to make it up to you? I do want to be friends with you, really. Treaty or no treaty.” He offered his hand to Haruka.

Haruka took it and Rin pulled him up.

“Let me show you something. You can keep the robe.”

Rin put on his robe and slippers and led Haruka to unremarkable panel in the wall. He tapped it in a certain way and it opened to reveal a secret passageway.

“I’ll show you how to get back to your room unnoticed without climbing on ledges. You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?” Haruka shook his head. “Good. In the daytime light seeps into the passageways but at night they’re pitch black unless we pass by somewhere still lit up. Here, hold my hand so we don’t get separated.” Rin could have asked him to hold on to his robe, but if Haruka realized that he said nothing.

Rin led him through the passageways, keenly aware of Haruka’s hand, until they reached the room he wanted to be in — a small storage closet filled with towels and sheets. He poked his head out of the closet to check if the hallway was clear. It was.

“We’re at the baths?” asked Haruka.

“Yeah.” If they turned left they would reach the palace’s private baths, but Rin pulled them into the room right next to the storage closet. It was empty, as Rin expected it to be. It was so rarely used its furniture was draped in cloth.

Rin led them into a second secret passageway, and walked them to the part of the castle Haruka was staying in.

“I think this is right,” said Rin. “If not, well, we’ll have a lot of explaining to do.” He pushed opened the door slowly and checked to make sure it was empty. “Does this look like your room?”

“Yes, this is it,” said Haruka. He was still holding Rin’s hand.

“Goodnight, Haru.”

“Goodnight, Rin.”

They stood there awkwardly for a few more seconds before Rin finally pulled away and closed the passageway to head back to his room.

☆

“Are there secret passages in every room?” asked Haruka.

“Not every room, but most of them. There’s four different passages actually, they all end in rooms around the baths. Or begin, depending on your point of view.” Rin didn’t add why — there was actually a fifth passage in the baths themselves that led out of the palace completely. Haruka didn’t need to know _everything_ about the palace’s defenses. “Why? Are you getting tired of just visiting me?”

Two weeks had passed since Rin had first shown Haruka the secret passages running through the palace. It had taken Rin hours of exploring as a child to memorize the passages so he’d been surprised when the night after their midnight rendezvous Haruka had knocked on his wall only minutes after Rin had gone to bed. So began their nightly meetings. They would say goodnight, to each other and to everyone else, and then Rin would wait in his room until Haruka knocked on his wall. Rin knew perfectly well sneaking around and meeting up behind everyone’s backs was a little shady, but they didn’t _do_ anything, they just lay in Rin’s bed and talked for an hour or so. It was perfectly innocent.

“Definitely not, I was just curious. Iwatobi’s castle has its fair share of secret passageways but they're not as extensive. Maybe I haven’t found them all.”

“That’s possible. I found my first passage by accident. I was playing hide and seek with Gou and Sousuke and bumped into a shelf only to have it swing outwards to reveal a passageway. You can imagine how exciting that was for a kid. They couldn’t find me all day. They panicked after a while — Gou cried apparently — and the guards started worrying I’d been kidnapped. But I didn’t know any of this, I just popped up for dinner like nothing had happened and got the scolding of my life. Mother was pissed. She freaked me so much that I couldn't stop crying until finally I exhausted myself and fell asleep.” He'd woken up the next morning in his own bed, the secret passageway in his room open and a note in his mother’s handwriting telling him to be careful if he planned on exploring the palace. _Don’t disappear like that again._

“You were a real handful,” said Haruka.

“Hey!” Rin poked him in the ribs. “Gou told me you disappeared all the time when she was there. That’s way worse. At least I was like, seven.”

“I was nine the first time I sneaked into town by myself.” Haruka sounded slightly chagrined by his admission. “I hadn’t meant to. I’d been walking around the castle and somehow my bodyguards lost track of me. When I didn’t see them anywhere I followed a group of errand boys out of the castle and into town. It was amazing to be by myself and have no one recognize me. I didn’t want to go back to the palace but eventually I did — I didn’t have money on me so there wasn’t much I could do. No one had even noticed I’d been gone except for my bodyguards and they didn’t want to tell my mother they’d lost me.” A wry, half-laugh escaped him. “After that I started sneaking away sometimes, mostly to get away from everything but sometimes just because I could.”

“If I was a handful then you were a brat.” Rin broke out into a wide grin.

Haruka frowned. “‘Brat’ is worse than being called a handful.”

“But I didn’t disappear again. You on the other hand, you’re still running off.”

“Hmmph.” Haruka turned away, pouting, satisfied by Rin’s explanation but offended nonetheless.

Seeing Haruka had his guard down, an idea popped into Rin’s mind.

“Hmmm, what are you do—”

A look of panic crossed Haruka’s face and then… laughter. Real, genuine laughter. Not a silent shaking of his shoulders or a small, half-laugh, but true giggles that turned into an uncontrollable fit as Rin tickled him, delighted that he’d found such a weakness.

“Stop,” he protested as Rin marveled at the clear, bright sound of his laughter. When they were children Rin had sometimes tickled Gou to cheer her up, but Haruka’s reactions were far beyond hers. It was so unexpected that he let his own guard down, giving Haruka a chance to overpower him and flip him onto his back.

“Your turn,” Haruka said, pining him down.

He tickled Rin’s stomach, but there was no reaction from him. Rin wasn't the ticklish type. His hands moved higher up Rin’s body, tickling his ribs and then his sides but Rin still didn’t laugh.

“Your heart. It’s beating so fast.” There was an edge of wonder in Haruka’s voice.

He wasn’t trying to tickle Rin anymore. His hands brushed against a certain spot on Rin's chest. There was a sharp intake of breath from Rin. His face grew heated. Haruka touched the spot again, his awe obvious when he set off another wave of pleasure through Rin.

He leaned down until his face was all Rin could see, glanced down at Rin’s lips, blinking slowly. Rin closed his eyes. Their noses touched.

Haruka sat up, pushing himself off Rin until he was as far away from him as the bed allowed.

“It’s getting late,” Haruka said, his voice strained. “I should get going.” He bolted to the hidden door. It took him several tries to open it.

“Goodnight,” Rin croaked out, trying to keep up some semblance of normality.

“Goodnight, Rin,” he said and closed the door.

Rin closed he eyes, fighting back the emotions threatening to overwhelm him.

He had wanted, more than he had ever wanted anything in the world, for his lips to have met Haruka’s. He had wanted to kiss him, to _be_ kissed. He was disgusted and angry at himself for being so _weak_. He had almost thrown everything away, betraying his sister and the treaty, to kiss some boy.

But what scared him the most was that Haruka seemed ready to do the same. He’d been taking comfort in his feelings being unrequited — telling himself it didn’t matter if the treaty existed or not because Haruka wasn’t interested in him. That it suddenly seemed likely Haruka wanted him on some level gave him hope where he didn’t need any.

He pictured the way Haruka had looked at him before he’d pulled away, the curiosity mixed with amazement. He touched himself in the spot Haruka had found. It didn’t set off the same strong reaction, but it was a start. He reached between his legs and stroked his growing arousal.

He wanted Haruka so badly. He pictured the way Haruka’s face would twist into pleasure. How he would push Rin down and kiss him, grind his knees between Rin’s legs before stroking him. He knew now what Haruka would feel like on top of him, the way his body would press against Rin as he pinned him down.

 _Rin,_ Haruka would say with lust in his eyes, before putting his mouth around Rin's cock and sucking it.

Rin shuddered, still picturing Haruka's dark hair bobbing up and down between his legs as he came. The shame he’d expected to follow didn’t appear. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing but he was done caring, at least for the night.

☆

Rin had expected things to be awkward between them after that, but Haruka acted as if nothing had happened. If the memory of their encounter hadn’t been burned into his mind he might have thought it was a dream.

Winter marched on until it was finally Haruka’s last night in Sano. He’d stayed for as long as his mother had given him the leeway to pull off, and not a day less. He would travel by land to get back (the river was too dangerous to travel on in the winter) which was a faster but more strenuous journey. Ideally one he’d want to be well-rested for. Naturally, he chose to stay in Rin’s room almost the whole night.

They avoided mentioning Haruka’s upcoming departure and instead did things like argue over who had the worst tutors (Rin did), who was the strongest character in a popular novel series they both read (Haruka insisted it was the dark, brooding anti-hero while Rin firmly believed the idealistic heroine could kick his ass), whether freshwater or saltwater fish tasted better (Rin didn’t have a strong opinion on the matter — he just liked riling Haruka up), and more inconsequential, trivial things until finally Haruka acknowledged the reality of their situation.

“I’ll try to visit next winter,” said Haruka, “but that’s a year from now.” It wasn’t a guarantee — they didn’t have that type of control over their lives — but it was more than Rin had been expecting. He smiled.

“Write to me,” Rin said, “and I’ll write to you.”

“Write?” Haruka contemplated his suggestion. “That sounds troublesome.”

“Jerk. If you don’t write back to me I’ll be pissed.”

“Maybe I can send the occasional note.”

“You'd better.”

They walked to Haruka’s room together that night, just as they had the first time, drawing out their parting for as long as they could but eventually Rin had to head back through the empty passageways alone.

When he woke up Haruka’s carriage had already left.

☆

Their first letters to each other were awkward and stilted. Rin didn’t know how to talk to Haruka without seeing his reactions. Was he boring him? Annoying him? He had to gauge his reactions through text, weeks later. It didn't help that Haruka wasn’t as forthcoming as he was in real life — which was saying something as he was already a fairly guarded person. But at least in person Rin knew how to coax Haruka into speaking. How to set him off, keep him interested.

But as their correspondence continued their letters became more relaxed and personal and their awkwardness vanished. Rin encouraged Haruka to ramble about anything he wanted, sending him questions when he realized Haruka didn’t always know what to say. Sometimes Haruka offered commentary on the subjects Rin wrote about, mastering the right balance of snark and kindness.

Gou returned to Iwatobi in the summer. This time Haruka didn’t pick her up. He continued to write to Rin while she was there, offering another (often competing) perspective of the events she narrated in her own letters to Rin. In the winter Haruka returned, this time not with his mother but with Makoto. Rin was never alone with Haruka in the daytime, but at night, just as before, they would meet before going to sleep. When Haruka left they fell back into writing letters.

It became their pattern. Gou in Iwatobi for the summer, Haruka in Sano for at least part of the winter.

By Rin’s twenty-first birthday, Rin had enough letters from Haruka to fill several small boxes. He packed and moved them himself, along with the pebble he still owed to Haruka, into the new chambers he would be sleeping in as King of Sano.


	4. collapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Belated Valentine's Day...?

“No,” said Haruka’s mother after glancing up from the document she was reading, “You are not wearing that to the luncheon. Go change. Immediately.”

That was fine by him. His plan could still work. “Into something appropriate. Don’t test my patience, Haruka.”

Drat.

He sighed and stormed out of the room. Well, he rolled his eyes and then tripped over the rug on his way out, accidentally slamming the door shut, but close enough.

He’d been hoping his outfit would make his mother dismiss him entirely from the luncheon, but no such luck.

He dragged his heels on the floor as he made his way back to his room to change. He passed by one of his father’s cronies chatting with a maid. They both turned to him and gave him a look that said, _There goes Prince Nanase, being a petulant brat as usual._ Not really of course, but he knew his mother was going to know now he’d been dilly-dallying on his way back to his room and hold it against him if he was late. He picked up the pace.

He didn’t know why he had to go to the trading guild luncheon in the first place. The trading guilds weren’t interested in him — he was just a prince — and he didn’t want to listen to their squabbling over who cheated out whom in business, their whining about taxes, or their pointless requests demanding the Queen make it easier to do business in Iwatobi by removing certain regulations (pointless because those very regulations were generally the reasons trade flourished in Iwatobi). No, Haruka didn’t see the point of going to the luncheon at all.

He changed into something his mother had bought him, figuring if anything would please her it would be her own taste, and rushed back to the private dining room. He was still catching his breath when the first guild representatives were being ushered into the room. Makoto’s father was already sitting down next to his mother, and behind them, blocked by a screen, Haruka knew was _his_ father, listening in. He was never far from his wife at moments like this, acting as an extra pair of eyes and ears.

Haruka tried his best to pay attention to what was being said. There was a good chance his mother would quiz him on the proceedings when they were over. She had the nasty ability to notice exactly when he tuned out people.

It went about as he’d expected: everyone ignored him and complained about taxes. He fought to stay awake when a man wearing a gold medallion the size of a dinner plate launched into a sob story about not having enough money to run his business because of the queen’s “tax” on the docks (a small, optional annual fee that simply gave priority access to those who paid it). It wasn’t even a boat he used for business — it was his personal vacation vessel.

A vein on Haruka’s forehead started to throb.

Finally, his mother stopped their complaining by dropping the news that was likely the entire purpose of the luncheon — and he suspected, the reason he’d been invited to it.

“Certain provisions of the treaty need to be updated. I have requested King Matsuoka accompany Princess Gou on her summer visit." Haruka perked up. “We haven’t been running wartime economies in a long time. Certain adjustments have to be made.”

The guild representatives started murmuring excitedly among themselves. A new, young king wasn’t going to stand a chance against their shrewd queen. They could already see their profits doubling in the next year if they played their cards right. Haruka almost snorted at how transparent their thoughts were.

Queen Nanase listened to some of their suggested revisions before deciding it would be easier if they wrote out their requests on paper for her to analyze and study before meeting up with King Matsuoka. “Lord Tachibana will collect your requests in a week’s time,” she said, dismissing them. By the end of the day everyone in the capital city would know of the renegotiation plans.

There was a sound from behind the screen. His father had left through a secret passageway, one Haruka hadn’t known about. He filed the information away for later use. He stood, uncomfortably aware he was now alone with his mother, but the withering glare she gave him informed him he was to stay put.

“I was twenty-four when I married your father.” He stared at the table cloth, not liking where the conversation was going already. “He was a naval officer of no importance. And I was the uninteresting daughter of the King’s sister. No one blinked twice at our marriage.” Haruka bit his lip. He would not call being an intelligence operative in the navy being someone of no importance, but since most people didn’t know that he supposed that was the impression his father had given off at the time. “A year later you were born, without fanfare. Unless you count the joy and excitement coming from your father and I.” She smiled at him, a rare expression of sincere affection that more than her words brought back memories of his childhood. “For five years we lived simply like that. No court, no castle, no bodyguards. It’s why I’m so lenient with you now. You lived in freedom as a child, only to have it all taken away when Uncle Seihou died. I’m sorry for that Haruka. But this is the hand fate has dealt us.” Under the table, Haruka clenched his fists, knowing already what she was going to say. It wasn’t fair of her to call it fate when she was the one who had arranged it. “In addition to renegotiating the economic provisions of the treaty, King Matsuoka’s visit will serve as an opportunity to pick a date for the wedding.”

He avoided her gaze. “I see. May I be dismissed now?”

She sighed and waved him off. He bolted out of his chair without a second thought.

He wandered around the castle without a destination in mind. He was itching to be in the water but it was too much of a hassle to sneak down to the beach. The baths were likely full of people. He wanted to be alone. People were irritating.

He chose to head back to his room, tossing his jacket on the floor and kicking off his boots before lying in bed. The sun was up. He didn’t care, he wanted to sleep.

He was going to see Rin, much sooner than he’d expected. He’d been foolishly thrilled by the news, forgetting that Rin wasn’t just Rin anymore but King of Sano. Haruka wanted to show him around Iwatobi, to take him to all of his favorite spots, but that was never going to happen. Rin wasn’t coming to see him, he was coming to see his mother to discuss his marriage to Gou.

A choked sound escaped him. It felt like there was a great weight on him, making it hard to breathe.

Two years ago Makoto had caught him sneaking back into his room after visiting Rin. The disappointment and alarm he’d expected to see on Makoto’s face hadn’t been there. Instead compassion and pity had rolled off of him. “You’re going to get yourself hurt,” he’d said.

Haruka hadn’t listened to Makoto’s warning. His heart was the one thing he would never, _never_ let anyone control, including himself. He would love freely, even if it hurt him. But that was an easy philosophy to follow when it was about future pain. Now? He would do anything to stop feeling like his insides were being crushed, even if that meant falling in love with Gou. It was funny, he had thought loving Rin was a sign his heart was free, that no one controlled it, but he realized now that was a foolish notion. If he loved Rin, that meant Rin controlled his heart. And there wasn't anything he could do about it.

He was anything but free.

☆

 

“You never have time for me anymore.” Gou sat on his desk, distracting him from the pile of invoices Sousuke’s father had sent over. Someone in the palace had used two hundred candles over the course of one night. Now he had to figure why and who. It was the Mikoshiba’s anniversary a few days ago, wasn’t? No, Lord Mikoshiba wouldn’t… no, he definitely would. That was exactly the kind of stupid thing he would do.

“I’m busy.” Rin scribbled a note to Sousuke’s father, offering his suspicions on what had happened. Would he want to bill Lord Mikoshiba for wasting the palaces candles? Or would that be seen as a sign of weakness, for a king to need the money back for some wasted candles? Or would not asking for the money back be a sign he was too soft? He sighed and moved on to the next invoice. Lady Momiji and his grandmother had raided the wine cellar for their little Sunday tea party. Why they needed wine for a tea party, Rin didn’t know.

“I’ve told you a thousand times that I can help you. You’re stretching yourself too thin.” She wasn’t the only one claiming he was taking on too much at once. With his mother alive, everyone was encouraging him to ease into his role, rely more on her, but he thought that was unfair. She’d been saddling the burden of ruling Sano alone for so long. So what if it meant he was only getting a few hours of sleep every night? He was fine. He could sleep sitting up now, which opened a whole new world of possibilities.

“And I told you I need to get used to doing things on my own.” Gou kept trying to help him out. But that was even worse. If he got used to relying on her he’d end up falling on his face in the future. No, doing everything by himself was perfect. The best plan.

“Tell me, what day is it?” asked Gou cheerfully. That was suspicious.

“Tuesday. I don’t see how that’s relevant—“ He dropped the document he was reading.

This morning there had been a meeting to discuss possible solutions for the worker shortage in the rice industry. He had not attended the meeting because he been in here, in his office, reading a pile of invoices. That was very, very bad. The farmland Sano’s rice was grown on was largely owned by the nobility and they were stubbornly refusing to adopt any of Rin’s proposals to attract more farm workers. As it was, they were in danger of provoking a rice shortage which in turn could trigger a famine.

“Fuck.”

“Don’t worry, I sat in for you. I told everyone you were feeling ill.” She tossed a paperweight in the air.

“Gou! You can’t do that. That’s lying, that’s—“

“They’re going raise wages for rice farmers — for this season only. It’s not a permanent solution but it should delay disaster for another year at least.”

Rin stared at her, shocked. He’d been working for weeks trying to get them to agree to anything, _anything_ , before it was too late but they’d all just bickered between themselves, shooting down all his ideas.

“Thank you.” He was in her debt. Not only had she’d covered for him in his absence, she’d achieved what he hadn’t been able to. He was suddenly tired. She was right. He couldn’t keep doing all this on his own.

“Here,” said Gou, handing him a letter.

It was from Iwatobi but instead of Haruka’s familiar seal decorating it, it was the seal of Queen Nanase that greeted him.

She’d contacted him, months earlier, to congratulate him on his ascension to throne but that was the only time he’d received anything from her. Summer was near. It was likely a letter requesting details about Gou’s upcoming trip to Iwatobi.

He tore open the letter, scanning the contents. He’d miscalculated. It was an invitation. She wanted to see him, to update certain treaty provisions. She spoke of commerce and numbers, but Rin wasn’t a complete fool. She wanted to talk about Gou’s marriage. He needed to lie down. His head was spinning.

“I guess I’ll be going with you to Iwatobi this year.” He smiled. It was more of a painful grimace than an expression of joy. Gou gave him a funny look.

☆

The wind was blowing everywhere when they arrived in Iwatobi’s capital. He had to borrow one of Gou’s hair ties to keep his hair from flying into his face.

The first few days of the journey were terrible. He’d regretted his decision to travel by river with every fiber of his being. For three days straight he’d been sick. He couldn’t handle how the boat rocked. It was awful. He asked the captain if he could swim beside them instead. The captain had laughed at him.

It wasn’t until they crossed into Iwatobi that his queasiness subsided, letting him feel like a normal person again.

“The air seems to agree with you,” Sousuke had remarked. Officially Sousuke was part of Rin’s retinue, representing the treasury, but Rin would have found a way to drag him along regardless. Luckily for him, he hadn’t been bothered by the swaying of the ship at all. Clearly, he was wasted in government. He should have been a pirate.

The closer they got to their destination the more Rin seemed to gain back his health. It wasn’t just the travel sickness that went away in Iwatobi, but the exhaustion that had hovered over him since he’d become king. It was childish but a part of him felt like he was on an adventure, and that helped invigorate him.

All around him were new sights. The wind carried unfamiliar scents. He’d sent a messenger ahead to alert the castle of their arrival. He knew he shouldn’t delay in getting there but there was something he wanted to see.

“Driver? Can you take us to the beach?”

“Certainly, Your Majesty.”

Gou glanced at him questioningly. He shrugged. He didn’t want to explain the way the ocean had captured his imagination. He'd never even seen it. Maybe it wasn’t as amazing as people described.

Sousuke let out an impressed whistle when they got out of the carriage. But it wasn’t for the ocean.

“That’s way more intimidating in person than I thought it would be,” he said, referring to the castle looming over the water north of where they’d stopped.

“It has a beautiful view though,” said Gou.

“I’ll bet.”

Rin didn’t care about the castle. It lacked the warmth of the palace in Sano but so did every other building. But that didn’t matter to him. There was a beauty in the coolness. He liked it. He understood why Iwatobi took on such a subdued color scheme. They were trying to recapture the calming hues of the ocean.

He took off his shoes and socks, wanting to feel the sand beneath his feet. It was cool under the grey sky. He rolled up his pants walked toward the water. He lost track of Sousuke and Gou, unsure of if they were following him or if they'd decided to stay behind.

The wet sand sank underneath him. The footprints he left behind were clear and strong. Water lapped at his toes. It was cold. He hopped back.

“Hello, Rin.”

He wasn’t surprised to see Haruka walk out from behind some rocks. The Haruka of his imagination lived in the ocean, not in the castle.

“Would you like to go for a swim?” he asked, his dark hair blowing around him in the wind.

“Yes,” said Rin.

“Will you watch our clothes for us?” Haruka directed the question at Gou. Rin hadn’t noticed her walk up to them.

“Sure. But hurry up. Your mother is going to think something’s happened to us,” she replied.

Haruka shrugged, already halfway undressed. He ran into the water, leaving Rin to chase after his heels, yelling and laughing at how unexpectedly cold it was.

☆

“Do you like the view?” Haruka’s eye twinkled in amusement at Rin’s startled expression.

Night had fallen. Lamps on both sides of Rin’s bed were lit, allowing him to read a pile of documents in bed. His robe had fallen open, giving Haruka a glimpse of bare skin. He had the urge to slide his hand underneath the flimsy fabric.

“How did you get in here?” Rin asked, startling him out of his fantasy. A small blush dusted his face. He hoped it wasn’t obvious that he'd been fantasizing about touching him because of a small peek at his chest. It was pathetic, especially considering he’d seen him fully shirtless dozens of times.

“I have my ways.”

Rin set aside the documents he’d been looking over and raised an eyebrow.

“There’s a secret door in the closet,” Haruka admitted. He’d bargained a little with a few servants to ensure Rin was put in a room with access to the castle’s secret passageway.

“Of course there is.” Rin snorted. “And yes, I like the view. It’s stunning.” That was the surface reason he’d pushed for Rin to be in this room. It had a magnificent view of the ocean. There were nicer, fancier rooms in the castle more befitting a king but he knew Rin would prefer the view over expensive furniture.

“Come then,” Haruka said. “I want to show you something.”

He dragged Rin through the passageway, up a flight of steps until they reached the outer parapets of the castle. There were guards patrolling the area but they were used to seeing Haruka sneaking around at night. He’d bribed them enough that they didn’t even react to seeing him with a visitor.

“Are you sure we’re allowed to be up here?” Rin asked, shivering. His robe was tightly secured around him, the thin fabric hugging his body. Haruka forced himself not to stare at the two raised bumps on his chest, their outline obvious against the light material of the robe. At least the loose pants he was wearing kept Haruka from seeing anything else outlined. He gulped.

“Don’t worry. The guards won’t tell anyone.” As if proving his point they simply nodded at the pair before walking out of sight.

“Look.” He pointed at the moonlit ocean, just beyond where they stood. There was a legend in Iwatobi that claimed one of his ancestors had married a mermaid princess. Her blood flowed through his family line, drew them to the ocean. He knew the legend was just that — a legend. The records he’d dug up on her showed she’d simply been a peasant, a diver but at times like these he wondered if maybe there wasn’t something more to the story. He craved to be in the water, to swim under the moon. He doubted most people felt this way.

“It’s beautiful,” said Rin. He shifted his weight from leg to leg, trying to keep warm.

“It is.” Haruka leaned against a wall. “But that’s not why I brought you here. You can see this view from your window.” He tapped Rin’s shoulder. “Close your eyes.” Rin closed them, a confused expression on his face. “Now lie down.”

“Huh?” His brow furrowed.

“Just do it.” His tone gave Rin no room to argue.

“Fine, fine.”

Rin made a big show of finding a spot, sitting down and reaching around, making sure there no obstacles in the way before he finally laid his head down. Haruka rolled his eyes at the spectacle and lay next to him. The floor was hard and cold but the view above them was worth it.

“You can open your eyes now.”

Rin gasped. “Whoa.”

Haruka smiled, pleased by his reaction. The night sky from the castle was overwhelming. The stars were bright and clear and _everywhere_. Thousands, millions of them dotting the sky. A sea of stars. He was glad he could show Rin at least this.

A shooting star passed over them. An omen of change in Iwatobi.

They stayed like that for a while, in a comfortable silence. If he strained his ears he could hear the sound of waves crashing against the rocks. It soothed him. He wanted to stay with Rin all night. But Rin was expected to be functional tomorrow for a meeting with his mother.

He showed Rin back to his room and lingered there, listening to Rin speak about his journey to Iwatobi. He teased Rin about his weak stomach, finding it preposterous Rin of all people would become ill by traveling on water. Rin tossed a pillow at him for that.

It was interesting hearing about Iwatobi from Rin’s point of view. He saw the country with a fresh perspective.

“I get why you’re so obsessed with seafood.” Rin yawned. “It’s way better fresh.”

“I should go,” said Haruka. The sun would start rising in a few hours. They were both exhausted.

“But I wasn’t done talking yet,” Rin protested, yawning again. It was a ridiculously cute action.

“Goodnight, Rin.” In his tired haze he leaned closer to Rin, tucked his hair behind his hair. Rin’s eyes went wide. A certain tension had entered the room. His hand lingered on Rin’s face, cupping his jaw. Rin’s expression softened.

Haruka kissed him. A small, light peck. He waited for Rin’s answer. Nothing. Perhaps the kiss had been so fleeting Rin hadn’t noticed it.

Rin leaned into him, kissed him back. He _had_ noticed.

They both tried to move in the same direction at once, bumping their noses together. Haruka smiled at how clumsy and out of sync they were. Neither of them quite knew what they were doing. He wasn’t thinking, just trying, eager to learn. Rin broke away, giggling, when he tried to make use of his tongue.

“That tickles,” he said.

“Tickles?” Haruka cocked his head to the side. “Should I stop?”

“No, I liked it.”

Haruka obeyed his wishes. Rin’s stroked his hair, his neck, his shoulders in response, sending chills down his spine. The tiredness he’d felt before was gone. He was renewed, reborn.

Rin pulled away, groaning. “We can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” He was floating. Rin’s face was flushed. It was beautiful. Rin was always beautiful. He traced nonexistent lines on Rin’s forehead. Pushed away hair that had fallen into his face.

“It’s not right. You’re marrying my sister.” Rin stood, crossing his arms defensively, and paced around the room.

Haruka frowned. Didn’t Rin feel it? The happiness, the completeness? “I don’t want to marry your sister.” Did he have to say it? To spell it out for Rin? Was throwing himself at Rin not enough? Irritation radiated off him.

“Out. Now.” Rin clenched his fists. There was rage in his voice. A cold fury twisted his features. “Don’t try to visit me again. I’m going to block the passage when you’re gone.”

“Rin—” The floating feeling was still there but it had taken on a strange edge, making him feel like he was watching events unfold from outside his body.

“We shouldn’t have kissed. It was a mistake.” Haruka wanted to interrupt him, to tell him it wasn’t a mistake. It was the only right thing he’d ever done. All the pretending, the dancing around their feelings for each other — that had been the mistake. All that time wasted. “You need to leave. Now.”

He was shoving Haruka out of the room, pushing him into the passageway, into the darkness. Haruka was in shock. He didn’t think to fight back. His heart was being crushed. It wasn’t a mistake. They would figure something out. They would—

Rin closed the passageway, leaving Haruka alone in the pitch-black passageway.

Haruka struggled to breathe. He was shaking.

Rin had abandoned him.

☆

 

Rin was outmatched and outclassed by Queen Nanase in every way. His greatest asset was recognizing that. He was careful not to agree with any of her suggestions before having his advisors —Sousuke and Gou included — look over them. He would have never caught the full extent of her deceptive language on his own.

He admired his mother for working out the treaty as well as she had in the first place. It wasn’t perfect but for someone who had never been expected to be queen it was a magnificent accomplishment. But perhaps she had been more trained for it than a born royal. As the heiress of one of the greatest merchant families in Sano she had grown up expecting to enter the world of trade and finance. No one could spot a loophole better than a merchant. It must have been Queen Nanase who was overwhelmed during the original negotiations. It was perhaps because of those past inadequacies that made her so merciless in her present day maneuverings.

It took took almost two weeks to hammer out the details of the updated treaty. Haruka’s birthday was in two days. Rin couldn’t leave Iwatobi without causing offense. He was stuck.

He’d made good on his threat to block off the secret passageway. It was likely a needless precaution. Haruka wasn’t speaking to him. They only saw each other at breakfast — Queen Nanase forced everyone to eat together. Haruka would look at the ground, his food, the ceiling, a scratch on the table — anywhere but Rin. In the past Rin might have mistaken his behavior for indifference but he knew Haruka well enough now to recognize the anger behind his actions. That made Rin angry in return.

Haruka had no idea what Rin was going through. He wasn’t the wild, disobedient prince Haruka was. He was a good son, a kind brother, a loyal friend. He was king of a tiny, forgotten country still struggling to recover from centuries of conflict. People were counting on him to bring peace and prosperity. The treaty was instrumental to all that. He was racked with guilt. Being alone with Queen Nanase made him nervous. He couldn’t look Gou in the eye. He was afraid one of them would see into his heart and know what he’d done. If Queen Nanase knew she might have used it as leverage against him, or worse, use it as grounds to throw out the treaty entirely. If Gou knew… well, the personal betrayal to her was even worse to contemplate.

Rin truly, honestly didn’t know how Gou felt about Haruka. They didn’t talk about it. But it was reasonable for her to have fallen in love with Haruka in the time she’d gotten to know him. Haruka was charming. He was often silly, but in a deadpan sort of way that made it difficult to tell when he was being serious and when he was teasing. He had a real talent for art. Instead of describing something in letters he would sometimes just draw it. The results were always stunning and realistic. He carried himself with confidence, both in mind and body. He was also terribly handsome and fit, all things Gou couldn’t be blind to. But even if she hadn’t fallen for Haruka, that still wasn’t permission for Rin to kiss him. What had he been thinking? He wanted to blame it on a moment of passion but that wasn't even what had happened. He'd been more happy than anything else when Haruka had kissed him. He was attracted to Haruka, sure, but a small peck on his lips couldn’t exactly make him blind with desire. He'd very much been in control of his actions.

“Yes, this will be fine.” Queen Nanase interrupted his thoughts. “I’ll have a new version of the treaty written out for us to seal off on tomorrow.” She was done going over Rin’s final additions to the treaty.

“Thank you. I’m glad we could come to an agreement.” He had the sudden desire to bolt out of the room.

She wasn’t done speaking. “That being said, there is one part of the treaty we’ve yet to discuss. The engagement between my son and your sister. I have no plans to step down just yet, but you can never know what the future might bring. It’s time for them to get married, for my own peace of mind and to ensure peace between Iwatobi and Sano beyond my reign.” Her words and tone were light, but there was iron will underneath them. What she said wasn’t a suggestion, but a demand.

Rin kept his feelings masked, not letting her see how much her words had unsettled him. “Yes, I agree. A date should be set.” The words were heavy in his mouth.

“Excellent. I was thinking a fall wedding — something to coincide with the harvest festival might be best.”

His eyes flashed at her suggestion, his mask faltering. “Fall? No, no, that’s much too soon,” he rushed out, flustered. “Gou needs to pay her last respects to Sano before leaving.”

“Winter, then? Not ideal, but…” She made an apologetic motion but it was blunted by her clear annoyance that he’d rejected her proposal.

“Winter will make it difficult for Sano’s citizens to make the trip to Iwatobi. No, spring would best. It’s also a customary time for weddings in Sano. It’s seen as auspicious, a sign the marriage will be blessed.” Even better, it was still many months away.

Queen Nanase was silent for a moment. She’d clearly been hoping for a closer date. Something about the way she sat lost in thought reminded him of Haruka. It was a strange thing. He’d never searched for Haruka in her features before but he could see them now. His eyelashes, his eyebrows, they were all hers. Her movements, not always obvious because she kept herself draped in layers of exquisite clothing, had the same effortless grace. Her lower lip moved up just a hair; Rin recognized it as a pout only because he’d seen the same expression before on Haruka.

“Fine,” she said after giving it much thought, “it’s settled then. We’ll honor your traditions and have a spring wedding.”

Rin gave her a weak smile. His heart was racing.

☆

“Oh. Thank you, I know she must have wanted it to happen sooner.” It was hard to gauge Gou’s reaction to his news. Her face was blank, her emotions carefully controlled.

He’d stopped by her room while she was getting ready for dinner, finding her still dressed casually in pants. He hadn’t known she owned pants until they came to Iwatobi. Upperclass women in Sano and Iwatobi didn’t wear pants, not unless they wanted to be branded as eccentric or vulgar. He’d said nothing about it though — Gou was free to wear what she wanted — and the rest of their party had followed suit, not about to scold the king’s sister and risk being in his bad graces.

Rin nodded. “Fall was her original suggestion.”

“Figures,” Gou said, “Fall is the traditional time for weddings in Iwatobi.” She was looking past him, seeing something in her mind.

“I didn’t know that.” He fidgeted with his sleeve. This was his chance to come clean. He owed her the truth.

“I think I’ll have dinner in my room tonight. I haven’t been feeling so well today.” She gave him an apologetic smile.

“I’m sorry to hear it. I hope you’ll feel better tomorrow.” He bit his lip. He needed to tell her. The guilt was eating at him alive.

“Is there anything else? You look like you have something to say.” She fixed an unexpectedly sharp gaze on him, the faraway look from earlier nowhere to be seen.

He flinched and looked away.

“No, there’s nothing.” He couldn’t say it.

He bid her goodnight and left, numbness gripping him.

☆

Haruka’s birthday celebration was outdoors in the castle courtyard. Rin hadn’t met many of the nobles until the party. He’d been too busy working on the treaty to socialize. Few of them lived in the castle; space was limited. They had huge homes just north of the city, an easy distance from the castle. And, Rin couldn’t help but think, well within firing range of the castle’s catapults.

There was no formally scheduled ball but with music playing all day there were always a few people dancing. There was no presentation of gifts either. Instead they were laid out on a table, untouched by Haruka, and people would occasionally stop by where he sat to wish him happy birthday. Rin wasn’t sure what aspects of the celebration were customary for Iwatobi and what were the result of Haruka’s own personal quirks.

Gou sat by Haruka every now and then but most of her time was spent enjoying the festivities. In addition to music there were performers to watch and food to be eaten. She danced, most often with the Tottori ambassador’s son, Rei. He was a flamboyant dancer, and they were easy to spot in the sea of blues — Gou’s dark red dress somehow complementing his purple ensemble. Rin chatted with them a few times but not for long. Everyone it seemed, wanted to talk to him. He itched to toss off his crown and go unnoticed.

It was late in the afternoon when he was finally able to break free from the swarms of people to approach Haruka, who sitting alone at a magnificent table, a pile of gifts nearby. Haruka eyed him suspiciously as he came closer but he didn’t turn his head away making it the friendliest he’d been towards Rin in days.

“Happy Birthday, Haru.” He pulled out a small package from the pouch he was carrying. It was inconvenient but it was important to him to deliver his present to Haruka personally. Only now he was starting to regret his actions — Haruka was glaring at him rather fiercely. “This is from me. Not _king_ me, but _me_ me.” Brilliant. That clarified everything. He kicked himself for not being able to explain himself properly. It was just that technically, he’d already given Haruka a gift — several barrels of Sano’s finest rice wine — but that was a gift given from one head of state to the son of another. There was nothing sentimental about the action. Of course, he hadn’t anticipated not being on speaking terms with Haruka when he’d prepared the gift.

He placed it in front of Haruka and backed away, staring at the ground. There was a rustling sound, and then the sound of paper being torn. At least he was being spared the humiliation of Haruka ignoring his present.

Part of his duties as king included holding audiences for the public. They could come to him with any petty grievance of their liking, but more often than not it was merchants and artisans that came to him, hoping to sell him something — scoring the King of Sano as a customer was surefire way to boost sales. A few months earlier a certain artisan had presented him with examples of her work. Rin had been impressed with her skill and had commissioned her to make a small trinket box and tassel for Haruka.

Patterns traditional to Sano covered the box. Haruka had mentioned he was fascinated by them. They could be found all over Sano’s palace, carved into furniture and embroidered onto fabric. The tassel was made using red and blue thread, the colors of Iwatobi and Sano united. A pendant was attached to it, made from the pebble Haruka had left in his care. The artisan had been surprised Rin wanted to use an ordinary river rock in the design and not something more valuable. But he’d insisted on it. She’d carved Haruka’s name into it, covering it in gold leaf when she was done.

“Rin.” Rin looked up and froze, mesmerized by the expression on Haruka’s face, the warmth in his eyes. Haruka was dazzling. “Thank you. I–“

“I have an announcement to make.” Queen Nanase’s voice cut across the courtyard, interrupting Haruka. “As you all know, a marriage between my son and Princess Gou was promised as part of the treaty, years ago.” Rin’s stomach dropped when he saw Haruka’s loving expression change into one of betrayal. _He hadn’t known. Queen Nanase hadn’t told him they’d decided on the date._ “Well, I’m pleased to inform you King Matsuoka and I have set a date for the wedding! I hope to see you all again this spring to celebrate this joyous occasion between our two great kingdoms!” The crowd cheered and clapped. A festive, joyous mood was in the air. Musicians began to play a celebratory song.

Rin ignored it all. His attention was on Haruka. He was slipping away from the courtyard, unnoticed by the crowd cheering in his honor.

Rin followed him without thinking, not caring if his presence would be missed. He chased Haruka through the empty hallways of the castle, calling after him. He was afraid if he lost sight of Haruka he would hide in the secret passageways and run away for good.

“Wait! I just want to talk to you!”

Haruka finally stopped. He turned around; his expression was pained. Rin hated seeing him like that. It made him frantic.

“What? Here to congratulate me?” He spat out the words like venom. The harsh tone threw Rin off.

“I…” Rin knew what to say to end Haruka’s suffering but it was something he couldn’t offer. “Everyone will be looking for you,” he said stupidly.

“I can’t marry Gou, Rin.” He paced in front of a short wall. “You can’t ask that of me.”

“I’m not asking. It’s part of the treaty.”

“Screw the treaty.”

Rin flinched. “It’s important. You don’t understand—“

“No, you don’t understand.” He cut Rin off, still pacing back and forth as he spoke. “It isn’t right for me to marry Gou when you and I have feelings for each other. Nothing is set in stone. We can work something out.” With his frenzied pacing it was less like he was speaking to Rin and more like he was thinking aloud.

“Stop. You’re making me dizzy. We can be friends. We can stay in each other’s lives. But that’s it. Don’t ask more of me.”

Haruka stared at him, scrutinizing him until Rin had to look away.

“No. I love you, Rin. I won’t pretend again. You’re the only person I want to be with.”

Rim’s heart stopped. It was too much. He was crumbling, falling apart. It wasn’t like he hadn’t known Haruka loved him — if their playful kisses hadn’t clued him in his expression earlier had been so full of love a child could have understood it — but hearing the words, said so simply and easily from Haruka broke something inside him.

“Please don’t say that. Don’t say you love me.” He was blubbering. He was hysterical. A sob escaped him; the floodgates opened.

He cried like it was the end of the world. Haruka held him, rubbed his back as he cried against him. They were sitting on the wall. He didn’t know how they’d gotten there. He couldn’t stop crying. The last time he’d cried this uncontrollably was when his mother had scolded him for disappearing.

Haruka kissed the top of his head. The sweetness of the gesture made him cry harder. He was ruining both of their jackets. He forced himself to breathe, to calm down. He looked into Haruka’s eyes. The love in them gave Rin courage.

“I want to be with you. I love you.” His voice cracked. “But it’s impossible.” Tears ran down his face. He needed a handkerchief.

Haruka didn’t say anything. He just smiled and used his sleeve to wipe away Rin’s tears

Rin had poured his heart out to Haruka, confessed his love after years of pining and that was response he got? Haruka wiping away his tears and smiling like Rin had told him a good joke? That was unacceptable. 

Rin kissed him.

He was an idiot. They were both idiots. It didn’t matter. He was tired of holding back.

“Ugh, get a room.” Rin jumped up from the wall, his heart running wild. Gou was walking out from behind a pillar, her nose wrinkled in disgust. “It’s gross enough seeing my own brother make out with someone but you’re, like, getting snot everywhere. Blow your nose already.”

“Gou?” Panic ran through him. “How long have you been there?”

“She’s been there the whole time,” Haruka said nonchalantly.

“What!?” He spun around, eyes wide at Haruka’s revelation. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

He wiped his face, shrugging. “What for? She’s known about my feelings for you for a while now.”

“What!?” he shouted even louder. He moved his head back and forth between the two of them in shock. Gou attempted to look innocent and apologetic, but it wasn’t working. Her amusement was obvious. Haruka brushed off his clothing, sighing at the places Rin's tears had soaked through.

Rin let out a small scream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With the help of Kudou I've gone back and fixed a few typos and mistakes in earlier chapters, yay. There are probably new ones in here though ;) My greatest weakness is still commas but I'll get the hang of them one day, I'm sure.


	5. love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it, finally. Took a bit longer than expected because I got a job. 
> 
> I still have typos and mistakes to edit in the previous chapter and probably this one too so if AO3 throws the fic back to the top of the listings because it's been "updated" they're just minor mistakes being corrected, nothing else (I wish AO3 didn't do this but, alas).

“I can’t believe this.” Rin paced back and forth in front of Haruka’s bed. “I can’t believe this,” he said again, pointing at Haruka. Not that Haruka could see it — he was behind a screen, changing. “I can’t believe this.” At Gou’s suggestion they’d relocated to somewhere more private than a hallway (it was a miracle no one had caught them, she’d pointed out) and if Rin hadn’t been in the middle of having a nervous breakdown he might have been excited about seeing Haruka’s room for the first time.

Given Haruka’s penchant for dressing down Rin had been expecting his room to be on the plain and austere side. It was not. An exquisitely carved four-poster bed with lush bedding and painstakingly embroidered curtains served as the centerpiece. In addition there was a curio cabinet filled with seashells and rocks (Rin noticed his pebble was among them), a magnificent dresser with an eclectic collection of terrariums on top of it, a small tea table with a bouquet of lavender on display and an empty tea set not yet put away, a desk covered in parchment, bookshelves and cabinets carved out of fine wood, and at least half-dozen finely upholstered chairs and sofas. The screen Haruka was changing behind displayed the image of a ship at sea and near it was a gigantic wardrobe with full-length mirrors on the doors. Several paintings hung from the walls, all of them featuring dolphins — Rin suspected Haruka had painted them himself. An ornate chandelier hung from the ceiling, lighting up the room even as the sun began to set.

“I can’t—“

“—believe this. Yes, we get it already, Rin.” Haruka emerged from behind the screen in a handsome blue shirt that made his eyes pop. For a moment Rin forgot everything. He could only stop and stare at Haruka, dazzled by how effortlessly beautiful he was.

“And you’re surprised I noticed your feelings for Haru?” Gou asked from the powder blue sofa she made herself comfortable in, lounging in it like an content cat.

Rin blushed. “It’s a nice shirt.”

“Yes, it’s _definitely_ the shirt that caught your eye,” Gou teased. Haruka’s eyes flashed with amusement.

“Don’t you dare say anything,” Rin said to him, “I’m still mad at you. Putting on a nice shirt isn’t going to change that.”

“What if I take the shirt off?”

Rin glared at him. “Just sit down already.” He pulled up chairs for the both of them. “I need to hear this from the beginning. When did you tell Gou everything? And why?”

Haruka glanced over at Gou. “After we kissed, after you kicked me out of your room and left me there in the dark, I couldn’t sleep. Gou noticed how out of it I was the next day. She wanted to know why.” He took a deep breath and imitated Gou’s voice. “‘Does it have anything to do with our engagement?’” He went back to his normal voice. “The way she said it — she knew the truth already. I didn’t hesitate to tell her what had happened. That you’d freaked out after we kissed.”

Rin was relieved they hadn’t been in cahoots the whole time. “When did you” — he glanced at Gou — “figure out that Haru and I, well...”

“Have the hots for each other?” Gou asked, grinning.

“I wouldn’t phrase it exactly like that but—“

“Let me see. It was the third summer I went to Iwatobi, I think. You asked me to deliver a letter to Haru. It got wet so I checked to see if the ink had smeared. And well, I might’ve read a bit of it in the process.”

Rin pursed his lips, unable to figure out what damning evidence had been in the letter. “How did you figure it out from that?”

“Well, there was all the flirting. But there was also the fact that you said something like ’remember the night we’ as though you’d spent many nights together. That struck me as odd. So when Haru visited for the winter I asked Makoto to get to the bottom of it. I gave him the keys to Haruka’s room—“

“So that’s how Makoto did it.”

“Wait, what? Makoto knows too?”

“—and he ambushed Haru one night,” Gou continued cooly, ignoring their interruptions, “I trusted if Haru would open up to anyone, it would be Makoto.” She smiled mischievously. “And it helped that Makoto is the honest type. He assured me there wasn’t anything _physical_ between you two. The word ‘physical’ was an interesting choice. So you weren’t together but you had feelings for each other. After that all I had to do was watch you two interact to confirm it.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Rin asked.

“And ruin the fun of watching you two stumbling around your feelings? I don’t think so.” She stuck her tongue out at him. “Besides, telling you what I knew wouldn’t have changed anything. You still would’ve stubbornly insisted the treaty can’t be broken. So I had to come up with a plan on my own.”

The atmosphere in the room shifted. A tension gripped Rin. “Do you have a plan?” he asked, a sliver of hope in his voice.

“Sort of,” she admitted. It wasn’t a definite answer but it was more than he could’ve hope for. “I’ve looked into the treaty extensively. But it wasn’t until these renegotiations that certain things started to click. It was the way Queen Nanase wrote loopholes into things. I knew there was something in the wording, a backup plan in case she didn’t want Haru to marry me. I did find it, but it wasn’t a solution I could use.” Rin deflated. That was it then. “Queen Nanase made it so if she had another child, that child could marry me — or you. But she didn’t have another child. So that left me stuck. But it got me thinking — what if I had died? Did that mean you and Haru would have been forced to marry? But it wasn’t designed that way. Both queens had worded it to make sure one country didn’t end up without a heir.” At this Gou smiled, a wild, toothy grin. “The solution was simpler than I’d expected. It wasn’t from a complicated loophole. It was the obvious answer all along.”

“Oh,” said Haruka. “Oh.” He stood up. The light of the chandelier bounced off his eyes making it look like they were sparkling.

“Huh?” Rin watched them both with growing confusion. “I don’t understand.”

“If you abdicate as king that will make me queen, and that means I can’t marry Haru anymore.” She looked down at her hands. “It doesn’t mean Queen Nanase will allow you to marry Haru but—“ She was cut off by Rin jumping out of his chair to hug her.

“Are you sure?” he asked her.

“I should be asking you that,” she said softly, “I’d be taking the throne away from you.”

“Exactly,” Rin mused, ”You’ll have to rule Sano on your own. It won’t be easy.”

“I’ll be fine,” she said, a sad smile on her face, “But what about you? You love Sano.” She lit up in excitement. “You can abdicate and stay. It might ruffle a few feathers going around the treaty like this but I suspect Queen Nanase could find a new match for Haruka. She might even thank us for the opportunity to marry him off to some Tottori princess.”

Rin patted the top of her head, an action he’d done all time when they were children. He had zero interest in staying in Sano while Haruka married some foreign princess.

He walked to Haruka’s side. “What do you think? I can make sure you don’t have to marry Gou anymore.” He grabbed Haruka’s hand, playfully swinging their arms around between them. “Would that be enough?”

“I’ll marry you or I’ll marry no one,” Haruka said bluntly.

Rin grinned. He positioned their arms to dance. Haruka raised an eyebrow but followed his lead when Rin began to spin them around as though they were in a ballroom. The lack of music didn’t hinder their dancing at all. Haruka was the perfect partner for him.

Rin didn’t know if it was going to be okay, or if their actions would backfire and undo everything the treaty had accomplished. But he had faith now, he had hope. A match of love was better for both kingdoms even if it wasn’t the one they’d been hoping for.

“It seems I have no choice but to marry Haru since he’s being so stubborn about it,” Rin announced, never taking his eyes off of Haruka.

“That’s that then,” said Gou. “So, who’s going to break the news to Queen Nanase?”

Rin tripped over his feet.

☆

The shouting began not long after Haruka closed the door. First it was just a woman’s voice — Queen Nanase presumably — but then a man’s voice joined the fray. It wasn’t Haruka’s voice — even muffled through the door Rin was certain he could recognize Haruka’s voice — which left only King Nanase. That surprised Rin. King Nanase was subdued man. He stuck to the shadows whenever possible. It was worrisome to hear a man like that raise his voice. Rin chewed at the skin around his nails.

“It will be fine,” Gou reassured him, “they’re shocked, not mad.”

“How do you know,“ he began, only to see that Gou was pressing her ear against the door. “Gou! Stop that!” he hissed.

“What? You don’t want to know what they’re saying?” There was another muffled shout; it was Queen Nanase again.

“It’s rude to eavesdrop!”

After a lot of grumbling, he managed to get her to sit in a chair. They were waiting in the antechamber to the queen’s bedroom, having arrived outside her door at the crack of dawn. Haruka was letting her know he planned on marrying Rin. If she refused to give her blessing Haruka was ready to relinquish his claim to Iwatobi’s throne. Rin was hoping it wouldn’t come to that. He did his best to sit still and look regal instead of scared out of his mind.

The doors swung open. “My mother wants to speak with you,” Haruka said, looking at Rin. His face betrayed nothing about how the meeting went.

Rin gulped. “Okay.” His crown rested heavily on his head. He’d taken great pains to dress formally, hoping it would give him an extra boost of confidence. It didn’t. He felt foolish. Queen Nanase looked infinitely more comfortable and confident than he did wearing a nightgown and robe.

A member of the Iwatobi royal guard stood behind her. Customarily Iwatobi’s royal guards wore a helmet that obscured their features, but in this case the guard had taken his off. It took Rin a moment to realize the guard was King Nanase. His eyes went wide in shock. He had seen King Nanase in a guard uniform before, several times even. With Queen Nanase, in the halls, and — panic shot through him — the night Haruka had taken him up to the parapets. King Nanase had been one of the guards that night, he was sure of it. He’d been careful to keep his son from noticing him, standing far to the side and slinking off as soon as he could.

“You wished to speak with me?” Rin stammered, disorientated by King Nanase’s appearance.

“Yes. It seems my son wants to avoid marrying your sister so much he’s asked you to abdicate.” Queen Nanase bowed her head to him. “I apologize on behalf of all of Iwatobi.”

Rin grew uncomfortable when she didn’t raise her head. It felt like she was mocking him.

“Prince Haruka didn’t ask me to abdicate. I’ve decided that on my own.” He left out that it was really Gou’s idea.

“Oh?” Queen Nanase finally raised her head. “May I inquire as to why?”

He shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. Had Haruka not explained the situation to her? “Haru and I…” He searched for the right words. “I want to marry him. I want to marry your son.” A little to the point, he supposed, but at least now it was all out in the open.

“Yes, he tried that tactic too.” Queen Nanase brushed aside his confession like it was a joke, like it was nothing. “Let me be frank with you. The marriage between Haruka and Gou is symbolically important but it’s no longer a political necessity. If you don’t want your sister marrying Haruka I’m open to removing it from the treaty.” She waved a hand dismissively. “There’s no need for these theatrics.”

“Theatrics?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. She wasn’t taking him seriously — she wasn’t taking _them_ seriously. He was prepared for her to be mad but he wasn’t prepared for her denial. It stung.

“Threatening to abdicate to save your sister? It’s a bit much,” she said condescendingly.

He pushed down the anger her words triggered as best he could. He'd gone rigid, his fists clenched. “I don’t think you understand. I’m not doing this for Gou, I’m doing this for myself. I’m in love with Haru and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”

“In love with him?” she scoffed. “You barely know him. What happens when you’re forced to deal with him on a daily basis? I love my son dearly but I acknowledge he is a difficult person to be around. How do I know a week into the marriage you won’t change your mind?”

“With all due respect, Your Majesty, do you really think I don’t know your son’s faults? There’s probably not a soul who’s met him who didn’t instantly realize he’s a stubborn, prideful jackass who never thinks about the consequences of his actions. He doesn’t really hide it.” Rin stared at Queen Nanase defiantly. “Maybe you’ll think I’m an idiot, but I like that part of him. Haru challenges me.”

Queen Nanase was smiling. It was slightly terrifying. “‘A stubborn, prideful jackass.’ Darling, is that not how I proposed to you?” She glanced at her husband.

“No, I believe you said I was a ‘stubborn, prideful, pompous prick,’” King Nanase said, speaking for the first time. “Frankly, I’m a little insulted you don’t remember the exact wording. Your mind must be going.”

Queen Nanase gave him a playful whack. “Don’t worry, I remember you called me a ‘delusional old bat’ in return.”

Rin stared at them, shocked — this was not the king and queen he knew. There was nothing dignified and regal about Queen Nanase, nothing distant and unreadable about King Nanase. They seemed very much like regular people. It was disarming. They weren’t allowed to be regular people.

“I think you’ve frightened the poor King Matsuoka, dear.”

“Oh, I was only having a little bit of fun.” She turned to Rin, who was still in the middle of processing the scene before him. “Rin, I’m not happy about it exactly — your sister would’ve made an excellent queen — but as you so eloquently put it, Haruka is a stubborn jackass. If he’s decided he wants to marry you, I know there’s nothing I can do about it. I was just testing to see if you felt as strongly about him as he does about you. It seems you do.”

She’d been testing him? He didn’t like his feelings being toyed with like that, but his anger was blunted from finding out Haruka’s feeling were as strong as his. It wasn’t that he didn’t already know that — it was just different when someone else remarked on it, different more when it was Haruka’s mother.

“I do. I want to marry to him.”

She stood up from the small parlor chair she’d been using as a throne and smiled. “I might be a queen, but I’m also a mother. I want my son to be happy and if marrying you will do that, I’ll accept it.” She brought him in for a hug.

He stood there stiffly, too surprised to hug her back. King Nanase winked at him.

“Now send in your sister,” said Queen Nanase. “I’d like to speak with her too.”

☆

The crown on Rin’s head was light. His clothing was a second skin. He was floating. He wanted to dance around the castle with Haruka in celebration. When he entered the antechamber attached to the queen’s room only Gou was there.

“He’s just left,” said Gou. “He’s gone to speak with Makoto.”

“Queen Nanase wants to speak with you,” said Rin.

“I know.” Gou gave him a faint smile. “I might’ve overheard a few things.”

He considered going after Haruka. He had an idea of where Makoto’s family lived in the castle. But there was someone else he wanted to talk to first. He headed for Sousuke’s room.

He knocked. And then knocked again. The door was going to break before Sousuke answered it. He heard the sound of Sousuke swearing. Sousuke was lucky it was just him at the door and not some important official.

“Going to a fancy breakfast party? Or did you wear this to bed?” Sousuke asked sarcastically.

“Can we talk?”

Rin made himself comfortable in one of the two chairs in the room. The floating feeling was still there but Sousuke’s prickly gaze made him nervous. If Sousuke reacted badly to what he was about to say it would put a huge damper on his mood for days to come. He needed his best friend‘s support.

Sousuke offered him a piece of stale bread.

“No thank you.”

“Suit yourself,” said Sousuke. He took a bite and immediately spit it out.

Rin bit back a laugh. They talked for a few minutes about trivial things. Sousuke seemed to sense he needed easing into the conversation and for that Rin was grateful. It was difficult telling Sousuke how much he’d been hiding from him — the sneaking around, the growing feelings, what had happened since they’d arrived in Iwatobi — but it helped that none of it really seemed to surprise him. He’d noticed the way Haruka and Rin looked at each other even before Gou had.

“So,” said Sousuke, “you’re stepping down then. When exactly?” There was no judgement in his voice.

“Once Gou turns twenty-one. It’s best to give her some time to adjust instead of doing it all at once.” And it would give him time to focus on wedding preparations — but saying that out loud was terrifying. It was just beginning to hit him how much he needed to do for the wedding. All the logistics of it — invitations, venue, food, the ceremony — and that didn’t even include all the packing he needed to do to move to Iwatobi.

“That’ll be the shortest reign of a king yet.”

It hadn’t occurred to him to think of it that way. For his own sanity he’d long ago dismissed the “curse” on the men in his family as a silly superstition. An image of Haruka and Gou in matching crowns attending his funeral flashed in his mind. The hair on the back of his neck stood up.

“Better by my own choosing,” Rin said.

“No arguments there.”

“You can join me, you know. I’m sure Gou would let me steal an advisor or two from Sano.”

“Take Kisumi. We all want him gone. Oh, and Momo. I think Gou might actually make that one a royal decree.”

Rin laughed. “Even years from now if you feel like you need a change of scenery, you’ll know where to find me.”

“Yeah,” Sousuke agreed, “Maybe one day.”

☆

“Haru?”

His visit with Sousuke had taken all morning. He’d tried to catch up with Haruka during lunch but Makoto had informed him he’d just missed him — Haruka had gone to take a bath. Their entire world had changed but Haruka was still Haruka.

“It’s open.”

“You know that’s dangerous, right?” Haruka dried his hair with a towel. “What if I was an assassin? You should lock your door.”

“You sound like Makoto. An assassin would have to get past my guards first.” He hung the towel on his shoulder and turned to look at Rin. The moment their eyes locked Rin knew they both wanted the same thing.

He crossed the room with great urgency and grabbed Haruka’s shirt, pulling him in for a kiss. The towel on Haruka’s shoulder fell to the ground.

“Sorry,” said Rin. He let go of Haruka’s shirt. He’d practically been strangling Haruka which wasn’t very romantic.

“Rin,” He wrapped his arms around Rin. He traced circles on Rin’s back. “Rin.” The distance between them was insignificant. Their body heat bounced off of each other. “Rin.” It was still too far. “Rin.”

Rin peppered his jawline with kisses, sucked the skin at his neck. Haruka leaned his head to the side, giving Rin better access. His nails dug into Rin’s back as he struggled to keep himself standing. Rin pressed him forward until his knees buckled against the bed. They collapsed in a pile of laughter. Silent on Haruka’s part but still there in the way his eyes sparkled, the way he struggled to keep his face straight. Rin was loud enough for the both of them.

They pulled themselves together. Rin kicked off his shoes and tossed his jacket to the side. He had no idea where it landed. They were both wearing undershirts and light summer pants now. He sat in Haruka’s lap, straddling him.

“Rin.” He loved the way Haruka called his name.

They went back to kissing, their tongues meeting, sending shivers down Rin’s spine.

“I’ve wanted to do that a long time,” Rin pulled away to say.

“What? Kiss me?” Haruka held onto his waist. “But you have already.” He tilted his chin up to kiss Rin.

Rin lifted himself up, putting his lips out of reach. “Yes. But it’s different now—” He broke off to moan. Haruka was squeezing his ass, taking advantage of how he’d lifted it off of his lap. The scoundrel.

“How so?” Haruka asked innocently, as though he wasn’t practically kneading Rin as he spoke. All Rin had to do was sit back down to stop him. He didn’t want to.

“Because we’re engaged,” he said, trying to sound heartfelt but it was difficult under the circumstances. At least he didn’t moaned this time.

Haruka laced their fingers together. “You make me so happy Rin. I feel like I’m floating.”

Rin kissed him. “I know what you mean. It feels like a dream.” A dream he’d been afraid of wishing for.

“But it’s not. It’s real.” He brushed a stray hair from Rin’s face. “I love you, Rin.”

Their lips met again. The urgency between them was gone. They had all the time in the world. There was nothing to feel guilty about, nothing in the back of Rin’s mind telling him he needed to stop.

Haruka guided him gently to lie on his back and hovered over him. It felt like he’d gone back in time, to that moment when Haruka had almost kissed him in Sano.

“Can I touch you?” Haruka asked, shattering the illusion. The Haruka of the past hadn’t been thinking about what he’d been doing, hadn’t formed thoughts coherent enough to ask Rin anything. Haruka reached for the waistband of his pants. He languidly caressed Rin‘s hips as he waited for a response.

“Please,” Rin pleaded, his voice filled with need. His skin burned under Haruka’s touch. “I want you to.” He wanted to feel Haruka everywhere. He wanted Haruka on him, inside him. He reached for Haruka’s hands, guiding them lower and lower until Haruka was at his cock. He cried out. Haruka’s hand gripped around him tightly, stroking him with the nervous, clumsy movements of someone utterly inexperienced. It didn’t matter. It was _Haruka_. _Haruka was touching him_. He didn’t even have the chance to warn Haruka before he came.

He panted. Hair clung to the sweat on his face. He realized belatedly his pants were still on. They were ruined now, surely. The expensive material they were made of was difficult to clean.

“Rin, you’re beautiful.” Rin would have laughed if Haruka hadn’t sounded so sincere. He didn’t feel particularly beautiful covered in sweat, his hair a mess and his pants ruined — but if that’s what Haruka was into, who was he to argue?

Rin kissed him. Haruka’s heart was pounding even faster than his. Rin had been too caught up in himself — he’d missed out on the way Haruka was looking at him, like he was the most fascinating thing in the world. He wanted, suddenly, to watch Haruka writhe in pleasure, to feel Haruka come in his hand. He wanted to see all of Haruka's expressions. He wanted them all to be aimed at him.

“Haru, I love you.” He said it even though Haruka already knew it, could already feel it with his every action. He would say it again and again for the rest of his life.

 

☆

“Finally,” Gou said, “I was starting to worry you’d gotten lost.” The ruby encrusted crown she wore sparkled in the sunlight. Her magnificent red dress trailed against the carpet. She managed to look regal and playful at the same time. She was officiating their wedding ceremony. When she was done Queen Nanase would crown Rin with a coronet meant for a prince of Iwatobi.

“Very funny,” he said, scowling. “I’m not Sousuke. I was having trouble with my sash. The stupid thing won’t stay put.” The two second walk from his changing room into Gou’s had knocked it out of place again.

“Here, let me fix it.” Rin tensed at the sound of Haruka’s voice behind him.

Haruka’s gloved hands skillfully redid a few buttons, securing Rin’s sash to his jacket. They were dressed similarly, both in white. Someone had bothered to do Haruka’s hair, giving Rin a wonderful view of his forehead. His expression was unbearably cute as he concentrated on fixing Rin’s sash. Rin wanted to kiss him. He also wanted to run far, far away.

“There,” said Haruka, admiring his handiwork. He licked his lips.

“Thanks.” Haruka was too close. It made him jittery. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t get married and leave Gou behind, Sano behind. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want to choose between two different lives. He wanted both.

“Rin, calm down.”

“I am calm,” he said a little too quickly.

“Can I braid your hair?” Haruka asked suddenly.

“What? Sure.” He was never going to figure out Haruka's thought process.

Haruka meticulously gathered his hair, his fingers occasionally brushing against his scalp, and weaved the strands together into a small, low braid. Rin relaxed into his touch, closing his eyes contently.

“Don’t you want to marry me?” Haruka asked, his tone playful.

“Of course I do,” Rin answered. “It’s just hitting me that this is it. I’m never going to live in Sano again.” His home was no longer his. It made him sad in a way he couldn’t describe.

“Brother, as long as I’m alive there will be a place in Sano for you, but it will never be your home again.” Gou twisted the knife in his heart. “It stopped being your home not because you stepped down as king and not because you’re moving“ — she corrected herself — “you’ve moved, to Iwatobi. It stopped being your home because your home is wherever Haru is.”

He mulled over her words. As terrified as he was, as hard as it was to leave behind his friends and family, it would’ve killed him more to not be with Haruka — or worse, to watch Haruka be with someone else. Almost everyone made the decision eventually to start a family with someone new. Maybe they didn’t move a entire country away from the old one, but it wasn’t like they would never see each other again. He felt a surge of thankfulness for his sister, for the person she’d become. “Gou, when do you become so wise?”

“I didn’t. I just said that nonsense to make you stop trembling like a newborn fawn walking for the first time.”

Haruka covered his mouth. It was the equivalent of a guffaw for him.

“Never mind, I take it back. You’re not wise at all. I’m worried for Sano. And you” — he elbowed Haruka — “stop laughing.”

Haruka bit his lip, amusement in his eyes. He was nervous too, even if he pretended otherwise. That made Rin smile — a genuine, easy smile. They were both fools.

“Let’s go. They’re waiting for us.”

Haruka and Gou nodded at him and the three of them left the room without looking back.

 

☆

The wedding took place at the beach, the castle looming in the background. Thousands of onlookers watched on, covering every inch of the sand — though most of them were much too far away to see anything. It didn’t matter to them. They wanted to be able to say in the future that they’d attended the historical wedding between Sano and Iwatobi. The ceremony was over in the blink of an eye.

Rin cried when Haruka kissed him. It was an unnecessary kiss. Weddings weren’t sealed with a kiss in Iwatobi, not like in Sano. It was possible he knew that, but it seemed just as likely he’d wanted to kiss Rin and did. The coronet Queen Nanase placed on Rin’s head had been encrusted with rubies — it had been made especially for him. It was much lighter than a crown.

The celebration after was a blur. He danced with Haruka, this time to music that was truly there. His mother congratulated him and he cried against her when she hugged him. His grandmother gave him her handkerchief. He was happy. He was sad. He was both and neither. Haruka didn’t seem to mind his sudden changes of mood. He kissed Rin’s brow, held his hand, smiled at him with his bright, attentive smile. _I love you_ , his every gesture seemed to say. _I love you too_ , Rin said back as he leaned against him, danced with him, laughed his clear laugh.

The future was nothing to be afraid of, as long as he was with Haruka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that has commented or will comment — whether it's today or two years from now.
> 
> I learned a lot from writing something serialized - mostly that it's a serious pain not being able to go back and edit things if you change your mind! I think if I ever write something multi-chaptered again I won't start posting it until I'm finished writing and just take my time between posting chapters to edit - which takes me long enough as it is.


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